19 And Counting!

19yrs ago at Calvary Chapel of Simi Valley, Pastor Dave Guzik officiated Sylvia Urban Ouellette and I getting married in front of our friends and some family members.  What a special time for us.
I returned from living in Kauai just a short time before.  We were young and making a decision to go after a relationship with Jesus with all we had and we never looked back!  To our friends that supported us, we were stoked to have them be a part of this radical step of faith.
We did not plan a reception or have wedding rings.  There were no invitations mailed out for the wedding either.  Pastor Dave thought it a cool testimony to perform the wedding ceremony on a Sunday service for the Church!   What a concept right?
Sylvia looks just as gorgeous today as she did back then.  I think she get’s better looking with time.  But that is the working of love.  Love works in consort with time.  The longer love works the stronger it becomes and the deeper it’s roots go.
What I believe makes my marriage strong is the following list I made up for those that desire a stronger marriage.  Sylvia and I have the same flaws as all of us on the planet.  We are no different from anyone with a fallen nature.  I do thank God for the grace of His Word that is in our hearts that has kept us at such a joyful state for so long now.  Through my own bout with porn and selfish-gratification my wife has stood by me and fought along side with me.  What could have easily torn down our marriage God used to have us fight together the lust of the flesh!  The result has been growth in our relationship.

  1. We are both complete in Christ!
  2. We don’t need each other!
  3. We both have our own relationship with Jesus….Accept it!
  4. We both have different gifts! Don’t make the other like you!
  5. Spend time laughing with and at each other!
  6. Spend time pleasing one another!  For that is your own joy!
  7. Spend time sharing what God is doing in each of your lives.
  8. Do things by yourselves that are special just between you two!
  9. Be merciful to each other…  None of us are as good as we think we are.
  10. Give grace like Jesus!
  11. Forgive one another!  Jesus forgave you!
  12. Fight together against the world!  Make it you two against the Matrix, because it is!

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Not just every man's battle

I picked up this report from the blog by Kaspersky Security company.
The Pornography category in the Parental Control system of Kaspersky Lab’s home user products is triggered over 4 million times a day. In other words, there are about 3,000 attempts to access adult content sites by minors every minute. This is confirmed by data collected worldwide using Kaspersky Security Network technology.
I am not surprised by this.  But what I am surprised at is the consistent idea that this over stimulant sex culture is a men only problem.  I would not hessitate to say that more and more women are finding there own joy in Adult internet sites too and I would imagine that this will grow.
If you were a woman living in the U.S.A. and grew up in our culture you would be thought off to go to college & get a good paying job.  This is no different than a man.  For a woman in todays world I couldn’t imagine any different.  I never really herd teen girls saying they would like to live at home untill they met a nice man, then get married and raise children!  That sounds so pre-historic doesn’t it?  So if you or I were this woman of today working hard in college, striving for a nice paying job, why would we want a man to wreck it?  Let’s face it dating has it’s challenges but marriage can be a total disaster for your career and from the looks of the statistics on divorce your right!  You have a 50% change of striking out.  In baseball that might be Ok, but in the game of life that’s some major risk most are not ready engage in.  So what is the alternitive?  How about porn? Now before you go off on me I hope I am getting a point across as to the growth of woman and porn usage.  What would you or I want our daughters (or son’s for that matter) to do when in College;
A – Have emotional, physical, dating relationship in College
B – Watch porn and stay single
I think if some of us got down right honest we might choose B with our young adults.  Dating simply has it’s price and that price is very high.  What if my daughter get’s pregnant?  Do I want her to give up a careeer to be with a guy she just met 5 months ago?  And if this woman graduates colllege and lands a great paying job, dating just get’s in the way of the goal.  How can she be financially secure (whatever that means) if she enters into the risk of intiamacy with a man and the potential for having children. She could potentially lose her job and her health benefits!  And with a divorce being a potentially true event in her life, plus the counseling and medication needed to get over such a traumatic experience, the cost is way too much.  The potential for calamity is too great, and so there is the alternative.
Put it that way and I can see why a woman would fall prey to porn.  It’s safe in today’s dog eat dog world.  Porn plays into how we value family in our society and in turn father hood & mother hood.  A woman is not valued for child bearing, but for being like a man in her ability to provide.  The gap is closening it seems.  Men are not needed to raise children anymore and women don’t need men around for intamacy needs too.  It’s no longer a man’s job and women’s job.  We are one!
Technology has made it possible.
It is not just every man’s batttle the issues with porn, sexual immorality and adultery.  It is a human battle.  A battle against what was intended at the beginning and we seem to be further away now from a world that once placed stress in different places on men and women.
Jesus fought this battle in His day as well when seeing the distortion to human relationships in 1st Century Palestine.
Matthew 19:4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made[athem at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’[b] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?[c] 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Jesus seems to want us to look back to find ourselves out of this pickle we are in.
How to fix it?  Stop porn?  Then maybe your daughter will find her pleasure in physical people instead of by herself.  Or, maybe we need to teach our kids that the way things are is a distortion of the intended way.  Maybe we might need to let our kids know that we are are sorry for placing such a emphasis on money, things acquired, continued education for further gain of riches, and that being a family where a mom stays home and a dad works hard is where it’s at.  Maybe it’s time to downsize!  Maybe owning your own home and getting in debt is not the dream it was made out to be.  Just maybe there is a simplicity and peace we are missing as we run around in this Rat Race.  Oh, how what makes us valuable has become complicated.  But maybe, just maybe we got it all wrong and there is a better way?
I am a participant & an observer as you are.  We will see!

A Virtuous Wife… Don't forfeit this!

Enjoying some old tunes (New Order, Everything’s gone green),  reading Proverbs 31, with a small cup of coffee this monring I was pontificating (nice word) about this Virtuous wife found here in the chapter.  Of course I think of my own wife, as some of you might have as well and find myself very thankful for the Bible and God’s value on women.

But what I found my mind going to most was the idea that those in porn pleasure will not be able to experience this joy between a husband and wife, simply put, they have a perspective problem.

When I was writting my book I read Ron Jeremy’s book, “The hardest man in showbusiness” and recieved much of what he said.  One thing that got to me and still does was the idea that he is lonely and would love to have a monogamous relationship.  He sounds like a very nice guy and quite the romantic.  He is a play actor as well and has always enjoyed the theatre and such.  What a swell guy.  What a bummer that through the continual  lust of the flesh this oportunity now is slipped by in many ways and will be completely snuffed out unless he stop his occupation and in turn lust.

Just as R.J. has thought through this senario, I have too.  What does it profit to have everything in this world, to be dying, and have no wife there holding your hands or looking into your eyes for the last time.  Man my heart just breaks for those that have never expereinced the beautiful joys of having  a person that is yours!  Only yours!  You live together every day, raise children and watch them play soccer.  Walking your kids to there first day in Elementary school.  Going on trips together seeing exotic places together in loving embrace.  Fighting age together and feeling the roots of love going deeper and deeper.  This is a Virtuous relationship!  A man & a women togerher till death do they part.

See I know that I will get old one day… If I live that long, that is.  And my nose is going to be long, my face longated as well.  My ears will grow extra big and my eye sockets will go inward.  My hair will be jacked, and my body broken.  I will not look like a porn star in the slightest.  But what will be of greatest value will not be my looks, or my wifes.  It will be at that time a simple love for one another, that has nothing to do with our ability to be great in bed or what our bodies look like.  Our perspectives will have changed and love have grown from looking at the outward to all of the inward beauties in each other.

A Un-Virtuous wife…Easy to find…Just as in the same proverb a man who likes to drink is as well.  Don’t forfiet this life of committment.  Don’t let love be a surface thing.  Let it’s roots run deep!  You’ll be blessed you did…in the end.

“There is a way that seems right but in the end it leads to destruction.”  Proverbs 16:25