Christian marriage is awesome. My wife and I enjoy each other every day…really we do, every day. And we have for so many years now. When we grew up we enjoyed talking to each other and when we dated in college the same joy was there and now after 19 years of marriage that joy remains and continues to grow. Every day of our lives together has been a experience in this joy. As young adults we thought all Christian couples were like this, yet 18 years of counseling in the Church as been quite the rude awakening. So many Christian marriages are not like mine. Love for the beloved is absent. In my book I wrote about how the time Jesus had on this earth was not a indifferent love, put a passionate one. He in no way was a man of lifeless sacrifice. “For the joy set before He endured the cross!” He loves His beloved. He promised to come back at a unknown time and take His betrothed to the wedding chamber. What a picture of passion in intimacy. A husband & a wife together in their wedding chamber where the marriage bed is!
Sex is not to be undermined as a secondary thing in the Christan marriage. For when God made Eve we see in Genesis 2 that sex was the action that showed the two becoming one flesh. Though they are two distinct and separate persons, they now through the sexual act become one flesh. There is a connection in the one flesh relationship, and a intimate one at that! And for Adam there no doubt was a joy like no other at that moment, as so there should be for us.
I don’t think Adam had to think about having sex with Eve his wife. It was the natural overflow of the love they experienced towards one another.
For my wife and I, we care for one another. Our joy is in the joy of each other. I love seeing her grow and blossom as a independent woman! She loves to play sports, spend time with her best friend, and watch movies. Though I don’t necessarily enjoy the same things she does, I have great joy in entering into her joy by participating in activities with her. She loves it that I like to be around her and experience the joy she has. He joy becomes my joy and we together share it! I like that.
The marriage bed is the greatest area where this sharing of joy is experienced mind and body! Through the sexual act we experience a better understanding of God, as God is one, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, so we to understand this better through intimacy! How cool is that!!! Also God’s love (agape) should be on display in the marriage bed at all times! Love and not lust! Love is desire for goodness and joy of the other, not your own desire at the others expense. So many times it saddens me to hear about many in the Church where there sex life is out of duty and not joy! The marriage bed is to point you to Jesus and His Church! Jesus loves his Church and as stated is passionate about her. This is the example to us. Relations in marriage should be joyful. You will certainly see how self fish you are by how you relate to one another sexually in marriage. (I could write a whole chapter on that alone.) Sex is not about you, it’s about glorifying God as all things are (Col 3:17). If you make it about you then you can seriously damage your marriage by misusing this most important area. For instance if you are unable to show the passionate agape love in the wedding bed then how will you show it outside of it? The bed is the most intimate you will be with your spouse. It is just you two and that’s it! The marriage bed is a place where we learn to move in agape love, seeking the joy of the other. This is what is so cool about Song of Solomon. Though Solomon was a pervert of the first rank, the Lord used him to write this wonderful picture of the sexual relationship between a man and his wife and how it is a picture of God and His people. This shouldn’t be to weird of a thought to us who have studied our Bibles as God is always speaking relationally to His people in Husband Wife allegory. Learn to grow in your enjoyment of one another. Pray and ask the Lord to be honored and seen through this intimacy between you and your beloved!
Oh, how killer it is to be in love. I am 40 now. I still kiss her like I always have. We love to be together to hang out together to laugh and flirt with one another and I pray your marriage will find such joy too! This is my hearts desire! It’s to let people know that Jesus does this work in our lives. Our bed is about Jesus and wow how awesome are the pleasures of God!
“Come drink from the river of my pleasures!” Psalm 36:8
Beau James Ouellette – www.runninglight.org