I ain’t no Bonobo
Do you know what the Bonobo monkey is known for?
Its crazy sex habits!
Have you ever thought that maybe those that try and teach you about sex think that you are no different than a Bonobo; having sex is simply an instinctual desire- as food is to the stomach, sex is to the crotch!
Atheist Aldous Huxley said, “We objected to morality because it interfered with our sexual freedom.”
I grew up in Southern California where we were taught that was exactly the way it was. We came from monkeys, and like ‘em, sex is what we do! And that’s what we did.
I never thought it was wrong and certainly never thought there would be consequences to such education.
We live in a day where sexual stimulation is everywhere. Better sex, bigger boobs, bigger junk in the trunk. We are fascinated with the pursuit of personal pleasure. Self-gratification is what my generation is all about. Sex is about my body, my desire, what I want to experience. No-one can tell me how to use my body, it’s mine…me, mine, I…
What happens when we live for selfish purposes? How many marriages fail today? How many relationships fail today?
It is true that the more sexual partners you have the greater the risk is of not only disease, but future relationship disease! What I mean is the more sexual encounters I had, the more I sought my own self-gratification in those encounters, which in turn lead to an inability to be in a long-term relationship. The reason?
Lust!
When viewers of porn are imitating it, Porn mogul, Al Goldstein said people are imitating “the worst possible kind of sex”.
The paradigm that I am picturing is the one of lust as opposed to Love. As long as I sought self-gratification in my relationships failure was just ahead. Lust cannot last, because it is unable to satisfy the human heart.
I struggle with porn. I used to struggle a ton! The porn industry is interesting; it seeks to cash in on customer dissatisfaction! Yep, when we view porn we go from one image to another, to another and so on, it sucks. You can never get satisfied. Lust is unable to satisfy. And those that walk down this road are not having sex with the people they are in the sack with; they’re simply self-gratifying with your body as the tool instead of there own hand!
Those in the Porn industry understand this themselves. When reading “The Hardest Man in Showbiz,” by the porn star Ron Jeremy, you get the idea that he is sad because he has forfeited something that he longs for due to his self-lifestyle. That something is Love. He has wanted to be in relationship with only one person throughout his life. But because lust becomes an uncontrollable behavior with no room for selfless acts, he has been bound to the thing which he knows causes him to not have what he so wants. That does not sound good.
I actually understand that. So many of us want to have a killer life with someone, but unfortunately we will never have that because of what we do in the here and now. The more sex you have, the more you will compare your future husband or wife with. Sex is no longer special at all, but we have made it common. And when you get to meet the person you think you want to spend the rest of your life with, he will have had 15 partners already and you too! That sucks! You’ll be so used to a life of self-gratification that understanding the best part of sex, which is being selfless and giving, will not be in the cards.
“The orgasm has become today’s secular sacrament.” – Dinesh D’Souza
You might think you’re different than the billions of people that have lived before, that crappy for-self sex will not have its consequences in your life. But please don’t believe the illusion of the Matrix. I hope to unplug you!
The Jewish Scriptures are filled with guys and girls that have tried and tried to be the most sexually selfish people ever. King Solomon, of all people, was a sex maniac and his life was jacked! King David as well, and his family went to pot! Abraham had sex with the maid, Judah slept with his deceased son’s wife thinking it was a prostitute because he was horny. Lot drank too much and had sex with his daughters! Come to think of it, I think all porn is a parody to the Bible, in a way.
Through the paradigm of scripture I understand now that God is real. And He created me and made sex as a way to know Him, and His love for you and me. I love it that the Bible paints the picture that many of the so called ‘saints’ who have trusted God failed miserably, constantly looking at sex through the wrong lens.
And that includes me too!
When I read the Bible I was 17. I started in Genesis and being raised an agnostic I was blown away by the idea that God made this union called sex and it was already talked about in the second chapter of the Bible!!! The greatest impact on my intellect was the idea that maybe sex is to be special. Maybe I am not a Bonobo after all. Maybe one man and one woman for life was really the Better Pleasure. Maybe I had been wrong.
Today I have been married 20 years! I have learned many killer sex lessons in my life. But the greatest is that in my marriage, sexual arousal today is not from selfish lusting, but from Love. The arousal I’m talking about is that which comes from giving joy to my beloved. She is mine! I am hers! My body is hers, and her body is mine. Arousal is not from lusting her, but from giving of myself to her (Love). That is much different from the idea of, “How can I have better sex?”
Better sex happens when you exalt sex to what it was meant to be, something sacred, special and beautiful, where Love lives and not lust.
The old way of thinking about sex does not work. You are not a Bonobo and that is why it will not work with you either.
One day you and I will be old, and on that day your self-gratification, self-lusting, self-sexuality will not matter. We will only desire at that time to see Love. Love’s roots can only go deep in the soil when you see it as special, sacred and Beautiful. For love is not common… lust is.
You were created not to be common, but to be special. I learned that…finally.
Try reading the Bible and learn from its view on sex. It changed my life. And it would be awesome one day to see you in a killer marriage of 20 years, where it is special and not the ‘norm!’ Be uncommon. Pursue Love not lust.