'Try Before You Buy?' (Think again!) Reaching College Students
I ain’t no Bonobo
Do you know what the Bonobo monkey is known for?
Its crazy sex habits!
Have you ever thought that maybe those that try and teach you about sex think that you are no different than a Bonobo; having sex is simply an instinctual desire- as food is to the stomach, sex is to the crotch!
Atheist Aldous Huxley said, “We objected to morality because it interfered with our sexual freedom.”
I grew up in Southern California where we were taught that was exactly the way it was. We came from monkeys, and like ‘em, sex is what we do! And that’s what we did.
I never thought it was wrong and certainly never thought there would be consequences to such education.
We live in a day where sexual stimulation is everywhere. Better sex, bigger boobs, bigger junk in the trunk. We are fascinated with the pursuit of personal pleasure. Self-gratification is what my generation is all about. Sex is about my body, my desire, what I want to experience. No-one can tell me how to use my body, it’s mine…me, mine, I…
What happens when we live for selfish purposes? How many marriages fail today? How many relationships fail today?
It is true that the more sexual partners you have the greater the risk is of not only disease, but future relationship disease! What I mean is the more sexual encounters I had, the more I sought my own self-gratification in those encounters, which in turn lead to an inability to be in a long-term relationship. The reason?
When viewers of porn are imitating it, Porn mogul, Al Goldstein said people are imitating “the worst possible kind of sex”.
The paradigm that I am picturing is the one of lust as opposed to Love. As long as I sought self-gratification in my relationships failure was just ahead. Lust cannot last, because it is unable to satisfy the human heart.
I struggle with porn. I used to struggle a ton! The porn industry is interesting; it seeks to cash in on customer dissatisfaction! Yep, when we view porn we go from one image to another, to another and so on, it sucks. You can never get satisfied. Lust is unable to satisfy. And those that walk down this road are not having sex with the people they are in the sack with; they’re simply self-gratifying with your body as the tool instead of there own hand!
Those in the Porn industry understand this themselves. When reading “The Hardest Man in Showbiz,” by the porn star Ron Jeremy, you get the idea that he is sad because he has forfeited something that he longs for due to his self-lifestyle. That something is Love. He has wanted to be in relationship with only one person throughout his life. But because lust becomes an uncontrollable behavior with no room for selfless acts, he has been bound to the thing which he knows causes him to not have what he so wants. That does not sound good.
I actually understand that. So many of us want to have a killer life with someone, but unfortunately we will never have that because of what we do in the here and now. The more sex you have, the more you will compare your future husband or wife with. Sex is no longer special at all, but we have made it common. And when you get to meet the person you think you want to spend the rest of your life with, he will have had 15 partners already and you too! That sucks! You’ll be so used to a life of self-gratification that understanding the best part of sex, which is being selfless and giving, will not be in the cards.
“The orgasm has become today’s secular sacrament.” – Dinesh D’Souza
You might think you’re different than the billions of people that have lived before, that crappy for-self sex will not have its consequences in your life. But please don’t believe the illusion of the Matrix. I hope to unplug you!
The Jewish Scriptures are filled with guys and girls that have tried and tried to be the most sexually selfish people ever. King Solomon, of all people, was a sex maniac and his life was jacked! King David as well, and his family went to pot! Abraham had sex with the maid, Judah slept with his deceased son’s wife thinking it was a prostitute because he was horny. Lot drank too much and had sex with his daughters! Come to think of it, I think all porn is a parody to the Bible, in a way.
Through the paradigm of scripture I understand now that God is real. And He created me and made sex as a way to know Him, and His love for you and me. I love it that the Bible paints the picture that many of the so called ‘saints’ who have trusted God failed miserably, constantly looking at sex through the wrong lens.
And that includes me too!
When I read the Bible I was 17. I started in Genesis and being raised an agnostic I was blown away by the idea that God made this union called sex and it was already talked about in the second chapter of the Bible!!! The greatest impact on my intellect was the idea that maybe sex is to be special. Maybe I am not a Bonobo after all. Maybe one man and one woman for life was really the Better Pleasure. Maybe I had been wrong.
Today I have been married 20 years! I have learned many killer sex lessons in my life. But the greatest is that in my marriage, sexual arousal today is not from selfish lusting, but from Love. The arousal I’m talking about is that which comes from giving joy to my beloved. She is mine! I am hers! My body is hers, and her body is mine. Arousal is not from lusting her, but from giving of myself to her (Love). That is much different from the idea of, “How can I have better sex?”
Better sex happens when you exalt sex to what it was meant to be, something sacred, special and beautiful, where Love lives and not lust.
The old way of thinking about sex does not work. You are not a Bonobo and that is why it will not work with you either.
One day you and I will be old, and on that day your self-gratification, self-lusting, self-sexuality will not matter. We will only desire at that time to see Love. Love’s roots can only go deep in the soil when you see it as special, sacred and Beautiful. For love is not common… lust is.
You were created not to be common, but to be special. I learned that…finally.
Try reading the Bible and learn from its view on sex. It changed my life. And it would be awesome one day to see you in a killer marriage of 20 years, where it is special and not the ‘norm!’ Be uncommon. Pursue Love not lust.
Training in lust
“Having eyes full of adultery and that cannot cease from sin, enticing unstable souls. They have a heart trained in covetous practices, and are accursed children.” 2nd Peter 2:14
I would like to take the time to say something here that I think is quiite importanat to point out for us from the writting of Peter.
These false teachers had:
Eyes full of adultery – they didn;t have porn movies or internet porn per say, but they consistantly put themselves in places of sexual stimulation. We have TV & Interenet that do just fine in supplying us all the fullness of adultery behavior. How many times do you think you have seen Adultery being committed in your life? This is crazy to think about, but I would guess that most of us living in this 21st century have seen the ‘act’ of adultery hundreds of times in movies before. It is no longer marginal, but common. What are you and I viewing? Has it changed the way we think about the subject? When I used to watch porn, I would think, “hey this really is not that bad. It’s making be a better lover to my wife.” Oh, what justificaiton for viewing adultery over and over and refusing to believe there is a consequence in it.
They Cannot cease from sin – Here is the problem of viewing sexually stimulating ‘acts.’ It is addictive. We will soon be in bondage to the behavior. It’s not that we will not cease, but we “cannot” cease. (akatapaustos – unable to stop, unceasing)
Continued viewing brings us to consistent behaving, leading to bondage. We now think adultery behavior is the way things were designed, we have seen so much of it. My culture bears this out completely. Growing up I saw behaviors over and over and assumed that was the way things were done. I had to re-learn what I had seen for years and years. The brain is a magnificant sensory organ in the body, capturing images and storing them in our hard drive, over and over this happens. We tend to emulate those we see on the screen. But the end of this is destruction. This behavior really was not what we were created for, but a ploy of the Matrix so to speak, to keep us in our so called happy blindness.
Enticing unstable souls – This is where it gets bad. What is porn there to do anyway. Make money? Only one way to do that, and that’s to entice. To entice means to arouse desire. That sounds like porn to me. Not only porn, but those that are ‘in the church’ that continue in sin with no heart for confession to the glory of God and their own joy. I’m talking specifically about chuch leadership that has gone this direction as to not offend anyone, but has gone the total opposite way, enticing those to continue in a world of sin by not willing to confess their own adultery themselves! I know, you say that sounds hard core. But how many Pastors are caught in sexual sin? Heterosexual sin? Homosexual sin? Whatever the case, we will continue to entice unstable souls until we are ourselves no longer being enticed ourselves by the culture. Oh, I have a long way to go.
Trained in covetous practices – When learning guitar, I practiced. I did not practice once a week, but for hours a day. Now picking up a guitar and playing something takes no thought at all. It comes easy and naturally. How great is that? But what if it’s adultery, lust, sexual immorality? Don’t you think this too becomes natural to us who have been practitioners of this? We cannot just think the input in the brain has not changed the way we export behavior. Something is training you and I! What is that? We get so used to mediocrity in porn that we cannot see the beauty in our own spouses or a precious older couple that has weathered the storms of life for 65 years. Oh, we have compromised through a deception, our hearts have become hard. It’s like those that listen to American Idol singers never realizing the greatness of the Hillard Ensemble of works of Puccini.
We need re-training.
Kill your TV! haha – I remember that bumper sticker. Maybe there is a inner crucifying that we need to do within the church to find something far greater, or rather someone!
As we have been inundated with the news panels on the latest adultery scandal with actress Dandra Bullock’s husband Jesse James (News heading below)
“Sandra Bullock’s husband Jesse James is seeking unspecified in-patient treatment after being caught in a media storm amid reports he had multiple mistresses.”
The debate about sex addiction becomes absolutely boring and a bit foolish. Is it really a addiction? Are men just using that as a excuses to not face the consequences of there actions?
The therapy people of the world just love this! What becomes so frustrating for me in watching this is that the perspectives taken do not get to the root issue of the problems in the peoples lives. Tiger Woods and his wife had great goals when married, with great thoughts and feelings towards one another no doubt. They are not stupid people who got married in Vegas after knowing each other for a day or two, but people who dated and thought through there life as husband and wife. But why then does this not last or prevent adultery? Because all the right goals and pursuits in this world, no matter how noble or praise worthy is not the glue that holds marriage together in wholeness or better yet…holiness. Now the world thinks so. Therapy from the worlds perspective just says you need to be more compatible (hence e-harmony, preached on the Michael Nedveed show), have common goals, spiritually, financially etc… and your good to go. But as statistics bear out in the church and out of it, that is not the case.
The reason guys or girls (no one mention them, though these guys are having sex with them), engage in sex outside of marriage is simply because they are not satisfied. Not sexually by there wives, but because they have a porn view of sex, and of life. They like the women at the well in John chapter 4 went from one pleasure to another because they did not know the one who could give them satisfaction and complete pleasure. The fact is that no person on the earth can satisfy you!!! Did you hear that… I don’t care how much alike you are, you will never, ever, ever be complete in another other than your creator. Only He can give you what you need and the proper view of love which shows itself in the bedroom to the way you relate to enemies. You are complete in HIM (Christ, Colossians 2:10). The reason no one on earth can satisfy you is because they are the walking dead, mortal, & sinful. Discribing people that way helps us understand that we cannot be filled with peace and complete pleasure by this kind of entity. We need a eternall love and pleasure that brings lasting peace, not bondge. The pleasure of this world (i.e. sex) does not last, hence the need for Tiger or Jesse James to seek this false pleasure again and again.
Tiger and Jesse are products of a porn way of looking at sex as a way to be pleased (satisfied). Solomon, King David and many other Biblical guys have fallen into the same pursuit, yet for them it was accepted in the culture. They were rich, as Tiger and Jessee James and with that financial status comes the opportunity to pursue a King’s pleasures, though they will not satisfy.
Is it a addiction, sure if you define addiction as a habitual behavior that leads to destruction of family, friends and yourself. Do these guys say this to get out of the responsibility of it? Time will tell of the intents of the heart, but the only reason it’s considered bad in the culture is because of the way we currently view women (not as property as in the past) and a Christian (though it’s fading) view of marriage, one man and women for life…(this to is passing away in our culture)
Let’s look at things from a Biblical point of view and not a psychological/therapy view. “In God’s light we see light (clearly)” Psalm 36:9
For more on this subject please check out my book, Porn & A Pastor at http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/book.php?w=978-1-61566-015-5