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When I think of football I think of chopping off someone at the knees to bring them down!

Especially when I was a kid playing outdoor tackle football with the neighbors who were bigger then me!  If you can get the legs, then the’ll come down my dad always told me.  And he was right!

Just as without legs a person will fall down in a football game, so there are also legs that we stand in in our life philosophies.  If the legs get taken out, then the top will crumble as well.

Psalm 11:3 If the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?”

We live in a world of ideas, and those ideas shape us, and dare I say, some of those ideas undercut us at the knees to where it becomes easy to fall.  I can’t think of a greater one in our day than the teaching of macro evolution.

Macro evolution, or ape to man evolution, if a fact, destroys not only Christianity, but most religious endeavors.  I grew up being taught evolution.  I am familiar with it.

To believe in the Bible’s truth statements of the creation, the fall, the curse, the catastrophe, the confusing, the cross & the consummation would seem ridiculous if popular historical science today has it right.

Why throw of religious inquiry and substitute it for secular materialism?

“I had motives for not wanting the world to have a meaning; and consequently assumed that it had none, and was able without any difficulty to find satisfying reasons for this assumption. The philosopher who finds no meaning in the world is not concerned exclusively with a problem in pure metaphysics. He is also concerned to prove that there is no valid reason why he personally should not do as he wants to do.
For myself, as no doubt for most of my friends, the philosophy of meaninglessness was essentially an instrument of liberation from a certain system of morality. We objected to the morality because it interfered with our sexual freedom.
― Aldous Huxley, Ends and Means 

Now hear me…Evolution is not the cause of us wanting to watch pornography or commit adultery, but it certainly provides the worldview to continue to do it!  But’s it’s not the only one.  People use religion as well to continue there lifestyles.  To Joseph Smith or Brigham Young (Of Mormon fame), those who practiced monogamy were in the wrong!  So in both worldviews, the evolutionist or the Biblical believer, you can use your worldview to do what you want to do.  So what are we to do?

The true undercutting of faith seems to me to be the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.  Even Paul, the follower of Jesus who wrote most of the New Testament agreed!  In his letter to the Corinthian Church he writes that if Jesus is not raised from the dead then our preaching is useless and we are to pitted above all men!  What did Jesus think about lust, men & women?  What was Jesus worldview and is he a credible person to trust on issues of life & death?

This brings me personally to the choices that I need to make in life.  Is Jesus who he claimed to be?  If so, then we need to think through what we do in light of what he said.  If it seems that there is a focus to undermine the validity of the Bible, and in turn, the life of Jesus.  Well you are right.  The evolutionist and the Mormon both have done just that!  You can either see evidence for the non-existence of Jesus (The Atheist) or you can mis-represent what it is written about Jesus and what he said.  In both circumstance Jesus is not a source of truth.  And that’s what this boils down to; what is truth.  Is it ok to commit adultery?  TO watch pornography?  etc…  What is our source of truth, of right or wrong?

Its our belief system that brings us to think something like pornography or adultery is wrong.  We can change our beliefs anytime.  But we also can be renewed in our mind to see things Jesus way.

To cut out Jesus from history is to sweep the legs, bringing down the Christian worldview on sex, marriage, lust & love.

The following is a great video teaching from one of team members of Stand To Reason Ministries called Shattering The Icons of Evolution.  Enjoy!

This week at Church we studied Proverbs chapter 9.  This Proverb is about Wisdom.  For those of us that struggle with desires that go astray, wisdom is needed.

Wisdom never sounds as good as porn does it!  Unless you have lived enough life in porn living in secret and shame of heart.  If you have been there, you know wisdom is what is needed.

Living Hope

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Bethany

(post by Beau Ouellette)

With the advent of video sites (i.e. youtube, vimeo etc…) we can watch practically anything we want.  There is no doubt that along with the internet in general, these sites have changed so much of the way we used to do things even just 15 years ago! Now when my daughter needs to get a project done at school, she just goes on youtube to learn more, watch how things are done, and figure it out.  Or I think of how these video sites have changed how I make decisions about taking the car to a mechanic or doing the job myself. If the clip I watch seems too complicated then off to the shop the automobile goes, I won’t mess with it!

But the question rises- have video sites, specifically pornography video sites changed the way young people feel about their sexuality?  Has watching hours and hours of porn set in motion certain, specified sexual cravings that can lead to the way a person sees themselves and their desired partner?

I believe that more than any other time in history pornography is being viewed at massive levels.  Therefore, when I read sociologists, like Professor Mark Regnerus’, material it is bound to continue to be eye opening information (even as every other thing he has written has been).  We all know that the statistics tell us that students from Jr. High to College watch tons of porn.  During educational presentations at local Jr. High schools concerning internet safety, I ask how many have seen pornography on the internet, and all raise their hands (maybe one does not).  

“During church camp we ask our young men the same question, and every kid acknowledges that they have watched porn and struggle with doing so.” (youth leader)

I have been in student ministry for 21 years.  It has only been in the past 8 years (I write this in 2015), that internet porn has become such a hit with students, and only the past couple years that I have seen more and more high schoolers wondering about their sexual identity.  Could this be the result of the kinds of pornography accessible, and so easily?

My own opinion is this:

Today’s pornography sites (video sites) give the watcher access for free to whatever kind of porn they would like to watch.  For those like me who were not raised on internet pornography, most of what is now available seems kind of nasty to me.  However, there are plenty of delicacies to watch that spark what I saw as a child, and they will stir up arousal to what I might consider nasty now. As a young kid, seeing girls in bikinis excited me.  Once in a blue moon I would find a porn mag (playboy) and see a full naked girl!  Wow she was amazing!

Now, can you imagine a 13-year old moving from what we might consider ‘normal’ to watching a video exposing him to male ejaculation, regularly?  Or male on male ejaculation, male orgies, women drinking male fluids, women urinating, and even bestiality! As Professor Robert Jensen from the School of Journalism at the University of Texas at Austin has written and spoken about extensively, the society that allows such sexual behavior to be freely watched by all (especially young minds), has to be questioned a bit. And he does do a good job in his book, Getting Off (Soft Skull Press, 2009).

“Pornography is a mirror of the way this culture hates women and children, which is why it is important that we look at it, honestly.”

Professor Jensen’s writing is really honest and brings to light questions for all of us to think through and act on. 

So the point is evident: young people, not just boys, are watching pornography and through video sites have free access to all kinds of porn.  Because of this, over watched media has an affect on how they engage in sexuality.  To think that viewing pornography from such an early age does not have an affect on one’s thinking is crazy!  Think of it this way- pornography video sites is today’s sex education for many, many young people.  But the scary thing is what are they being taught?

This is why I have always thought that pornography should be regulated better on the internet.  I have written about that elsewhere.  https://runninglight.wordpress.com/2012/03/20/a-response-to-santorums-comments-on-banning-pornography-from-me-a-christian/

Just think of students watching weekly, even daily, all kinds of pornography! Like us all, there are some things that will shock them, and they will turn away, but others will find that arousing, exciting, and adventurous!  Gay porn, straight porn, multiple partners porn, wife swapping porn, mom porn, incest porn etc… it’s all there!  I can only imagine that this form of education gives way to more and more viewers to contemplate what ‘food at the buffet’ they prefer, thus defining what sexuality they are.   It is a question that I ponder, “do today’s vide-sharing pornography sites influence how young people view their own sexuality?”  Pornography viewing is like looking at a person’s heart.  It’s what they like or what they find exciting to them.  And all of us given the time, will find something on these sites that will arouse!

My own thinking is that all humans are lustful, and today’s pornography sites give us a foundation to anchor our lust to.  

But does it also influence what gender a person thinks they are?  Can viewing pornography encourage one to start thinking they want to be a polygamist or a polyandrist?  Could pornography education be the tool to help us figure out if we are bi-, homo-, or hetero-sexual (or the many obscure ones…gerontosexuality etc…)?  Another question I have asked is- has this kind of sexual education paved the way for the culture at large to begin questioning the traditional, husband and wife model of marriage?  As young people learn more and more about fetishes of all kinds, they can begin to think they too desire that for themselves.  The traditional husband and wife does not fit that model.  Does porn education confirm what your sexual identity is, or does it influence us to go into a direction we might have never thought of?  Or both!

In light of my questions, I am not shocked by our current culture with re-defining marriage or the accepting of certain sexual preferences.  But the logical conclusion I come to is that we will also have to question why can’t a young man marry an old man, or one woman marry multiple men at some point.  These are things that the young culture has seen in pornography video sites for years and years now.  It’s not weird at all, it is life, normal, and who is to judge that?  How can you judge someone watching incest porn, when I watch elderly porn, or orgies?  Who are you (figuratively) to judge the type of porn I like?  Could this kind of thinking influence a generation so much, that it as it becomes older sexual traditions are seen as ancient and in need of re-definition? (i.e. marriage)

I don’t know the answers to my own questions, but I certainly am curious to read more on these topics.

From my own eyes and mind, I see there is a lust in us that pornography simply pulls out.  It’s not that this lust in not in us without porn, but if our lust is a dart then porn is just another target for the dart to hit.  The interesting thing to me is that the variety of sexual colors is vast!  And how that influences fully, we shall see.  Young boy wanting to be a girl?  Young girl wanting to be a boy?  Or maybe they can be both, as there is pornography for that too (“shemale”).

Sexuality has become another way for personal self-fulfillment in life.  Sex & idenity my way!  Being raised on these video sites has made way for the possibility of massive sexual experimentation and self indulgence (as if we know what is best for us regarding our sexuality).  What will be the ramifications of this?  

Stay tuned to a culture near you!

(contributed by Katy Collins)

“Porn, believe it or not, is often a means of coping.”  – Michael Todd Wilson (certified sex therapist and coach for Christian ministry leaders)

In this article written by Mr. Wilson for XXX Church, the last point he makes is to consider that your spouse is hurting, “…otherwise they wouldn’t be doing what they are doing in the first place” (www.xxxchurch.com).  What a powerful truth, but honestly, one that goes ignored I’d say mostly out of an unwillingness or flat-out disbelief in its potential. The website acknowledges that while the more common circumstance is that the husband is found using porn, the opposite can be true as well. If you were to ask me and the other women involved in Running Light Ministries, we would sing a different tune.

Women are just as fallen as men.

This notion that ‘men are visual creatures,’ or that, ‘men always struggle with sexual integrity,’ and that ‘this is just a guy’s issue’ or that somehow we as a culture should sort of just expect this from the male species…this stuff is bogus, if you ask me. Not because these statements aren’t true. I think they probably are. But they’re incomplete. And they deliver a subsequently incomplete and immature view of reality. To be mature and fair, let’s just say, “People are visual creatures, people always struggle with sexual integrity, this is a humanity issue, and we can expect this to be a struggle in our sons’ and daughters’ lives.”

Women are just as fallen as men. Women like a good-looking man too. In fact, I was just watching a romantic movie recently by a well-named maker of these emotionally charged, what-would-it-be-like-if-my-man-was-Hollywood’s-definition-of-perfect, type movies and there was an entire scene dedicated to the guy having his shirt off. The characters even moved from one place to another, spending time in several different locations throughout the duration of the day and he remained topless the whole time. Now doesn’t this example make that, “men are visual creatures” statement a little more evidently incomplete?

Okay, but I’m beating a drum that Running Light has been sounding for years- women struggle just like men. So let’s move on to the quote that began this little blurb. Mr. Wilson’s last point was to consider that your spouse is hurting, or they wouldn’t be engaged in porn or sexual infidelity in the first place. This is often an ignored truth by the offended party, if I could use that term (meaning the ‘offender’ is the user/adulterer/adulteress, while the ‘offended’ is the one hurt by those things).  And this act of ignoring may happen precisely because of the ‘offense’ that has taken up residency in his/her heart.

At least twice in the New Testament, God warns us of the destruction in harboring bitterness, calling it a poison and something that when allowed to take root springs up trouble and defiles us (Acts 8, Hebrews 12). But that bitterness, as comfortable of a friend as it may seem to be (and even righteous, as you consider the atrocities your spouse has been involved in), will destroy you. And from an offender’s point of view- Mr. Wilson’s quote is true.

Both my husband and I would say that we were not involved in what we were involved in because it was the joyful, peaceful, loving, happy, fulfilling, Christ-honoring thing to do. Instead, the actions stemmed from a lack within, the actions stem from pain. I believe we would do well, as a body of Christ, to pursue compassion in understanding that porn-users or adulterers are men and women with empty wells within them. This is not an excuse for the behavior. Sin is sin. But, don’t we aim to be like Jesus as we walk this earth? Then husband, consider that your wife is just fallen and broken and needs the love of God to invade her heart again. And wife, consider that your husband is empty and lonely and needs to be redeemed by the love of His Savior once more.  Isn’t this the very way our God reacts toward us?

Just listen to these truths from the book of Hosea, the book where God compared His people to a harlot-

“…And went after her lovers, but Me she forgot…”

“Therefore, behold I will allure her… I will betroth you to Me forever…”

“For I desire mercy and not sacrifice…”

“O, Israel, you are destroyed, but your help is from Me. I will be your King.”

“I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death.”

“I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely.”

Let us pursue the One who promises healing, instead of the emptiness of coping with our pain in our own way. Brother or sister presently caught in the snare of sexual sin, we are here for you. Turn from it, connect with us at Running Light, and move toward freedom. You can, Christ will redeem you, and true joy can be found again.

– The RLM team (guys and girls, alike)

I’ve never had sex.  I’ve managed to wait.  If you know me, you may think I’ve never struggled

with sex.  I’ve never had sex with a man, I’m very modest and shy as well.  God’s blessed me

with holding onto my virginity for the right man, at least physically.  My mind, however, is very

polluted, and it’s not something I’ve told a lot of people, until now.

During high school and early twenties, I didn’t think about sex much and didn’t have the desire

to, really.  The rare times I did masturbated (or self-gratification as I will call it), I didn’t know

the name for it or that is was using God’s temple for my self-gain.  That all changed when I

started to read porn.

In my late teens, I started to read fan-fiction.  These are stories that fans write, using characters

from popular books, TV shows, or other media.  They can range from where the last show or

book ended to people creating new stories using old characters.  In my early twenties, I

stumbled across sexually explicit stories.  I was curious, not having talked about sex in detail

with anyone, so I wanted to learn more.  I learned a lot of detail of sex between men and

women.  From then on, I was hooked.

With the reading came more lustful thoughts about men I found attractive, and many of the

stories I read led to self-gratification on a regular basis.  Much of the self-gratification came

with thoughts of men within the church, the stories I read, or the stories I’d imagine in my

mind.

As time went on the stories became more graphic, as I wanted to know more about sex.  I soon

started reading homosexual and orgy stories, feeding my desire for lust.

Eventually, I found this wasn’t enough to quench my thirst.  I wanted to see what men really

liked naked, I wanted to see what sex looked like to without actually having it.  I held onto my

grip on staying pure (again physically) until I was married.  This desire led me to looking up

pictures, and that curiosity led to watching porn to.

I watched something that I never thought I’d want to see or even like.  I was hooked.  I liked the

fact that I now had a sex drive too.  I couldn’t wait to get married and use this new found desire

with my husband.  I would lust after him too without thinking of putting him first.

Near the end of me watching porn, regular self-gratification wasn’t enough, so I bought

vibrators to ‘help’.  I even bought lube and vibrators on-line so no one would know.

This watching and reading of porn all went on while I was in my early to mid-twenties.  I

watched porn, lusted, and self-gratified, and no one knew about it.  It was my secret sin.  I felt

so much shame over it.  I’d wake up, self-gratify, go to church, and go home to watch or read

porn.  I did it all the while I was saying I was a Christian, but I wasn’t living it.

I felt so alone in my sin too.  I’d hear things at church like, ‘Men if you struggle with porn …’ This

led me to think I was only woman who watched porn.  I was dirty and marked and felt very

much alone.  This was until I heard of an accountability group for women that someone started.

I was so excited to hear this because I knew what I was doing was wrong, I was sinning against

God.  I wanted freedom from this secret I had.

When I went for the first time and told the other women, I was scared.  They’d know of the

awful, shameful things I did.  I found something different than shame.  I found I wasn’t the only

woman who watched porn or self-gratified.  Better yet, I found Jesus loved me the way I was-a

lustful person who was so dirty inside-he loved her.  Soon after joining the group, I was able to

stop watching and reading porn.  I got rid of the vibrators and lube, but the scars of my life

watching porn still remain.

I still lust after men in the church.  I still self-gratify.  But I also have Jesus running after me.

He’s going after my heart, even though I’m filled with lust, even though I think I should act out

of my sexual desires because it’s so freeing, but Jesus is better.

I am a women who deals with lust and porn, but I have a Jesus who loves me.  If you’re a

struggling woman, know that you aren’t alone and Jesus wants you.  He wants all of us as

women.  He wants our hearts and minds and our sex lives.  I’m so glad that I found him.  Who

knows where I would’ve gone if I hadn’t.  He’s brought me out of my bondage, and hasn’t given

up on cleaning out my mind and heart of what remands.  I owe all to him.

For women in Tucson that need a group of like minded ladies that struggle with lust and desire to seek Christ together for help, please visit us!

Women’s accountability group

• Sex 
• porn 
• masturbation 
• Loneliness 
• Romance Novels

There is no shame, all ages, married and singles
Read:
https://runninglight.wordpress.com/2012/02/18/not-just-every-mans-battle/

You aren’t alone in your struggle!

2nd and 4th Thursdays, 6:30, at Calvary Christian Fellowship of Tucson, AZ 3875 N. Business Center Dr. 85705

I am reminded to Love my wife all the time when reading in the New Testament.  Specifically Ephesians 5:25 and Colossians 3:19.  Such an important reminder for us!

We live in world of hatred against women.

• An estimated 150 million girls under the age of 18 suffered some form of sexual violence in 2002 alone.
• Approximately 130 million girls and women in the world have experienced female genital mutilation/cutting,with more than 3 million girls in Africa annually at risk of the practice.
• In the United States, 83 percent of girls aged 12 to 16 experienced some form of sexual harassment in public schools.
• One study in Europe found that 60 percent of trafficked women had experienced physical and/or sexual violence before being trafficked, pointing to gender-based violence as a push factor in the trafficking of women.

Sex addiction brings about a selfishness like no other.  Constant self gratifying through masturbation to porn or extra marital sex develops a lust within the marriage bed.  It’s so unfortunate, but true.  For some of us, it has been many many years of constant self gratification to sexual images or people, that truth be told, has made us awful people to be around.  Bottom line is we are selfish children, in constant need of what we crave!

One of the worst manifestations of this ugly behavior is when a man (or woman) is finding freedom from repetitive self gratification through affairs or pornography and thinks that he is in the right, able to through his weight around.  Many times this behavior shows itself by a man thinking he can now lead properly (like he knows everything now that he has some freedom)!

But could it be that as we become free from a habitual behavior that there is a every lingering deeper sin, that continues to erode our hearts?   Lust works in the heart and mind of a man. This sin does not care if you watch pornography or not; commit physical adultery or not!  For it does not need such depraved imagery or action to win it’s war on you.

Do not live in passion of Lust, like the non-believers, who do not know God.  1st Thess 4:5

Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 14As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance,…  1st Peter 1:13-14

For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornication, murders, 22 thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness.23 All these evil things come from within and defile a man.” Mark 7:21-22

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 1st Thess 4:3-5

Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, 7 in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them.  (Col 3:5-7)

The more I go on in life I realize that the number one problem that I have is a lack of love.  This reality speaks to me over and over, and brings me to my knees before God.  Does it you too?

I am blessed to officiate many weddings over my 20yr. pastorate.  During one section of the wedding I will read from 1st Corinthians chapter 13.

Love is patient, love is kind…it does not seek it’s own.

Oh, my heart suffers shipwreck when I read that later part!  “Love does not seek it’s own.”

This is wear my struggle against lustful desires comes to the light!  Porn lust seeks it’s own.  There has never been a time that I have sought porn out for the benefit of others.  Let me put this even more personal;  I never viewed pornography to benefit my family, wife, kids, parents, in laws, or friends.  Every single time it has been a selfish gratification.

There is no doubt that pornography  viewing and it’s self gratification has caused numerous pain, and yet though much attention has become the topic, the market for it continues to grow.  There is always the new generation that has not felt the gravity of it’s destruction plus the industry is incredibly technologically smart as to ways of getting into our homes!

Through cable, satellite, Xbox, Roku, Netflix, Hulu there are levels and ways for us to become tempted to search for more and more hard core material until we once again get back on the internet and search for the real deal.

In order to gain victory over such a vast army, we must learn of the greatness of Love and it’s betterment.  Without seeing love as a treasure, we will succumb to substitutes easily.

Can you see the fruits of the lack of love in your life?  Can it be that maybe you lust others and not love them?

My answers are yes & most certainly it can be that I have traded love for lust.  What a moral loss.

With every relationship that we have love becomes a question doesn’t it?  Do I continue to love them?  When is it ok to not love?

Getting to the root cause of our lust is a beautiful education.  I have not because I have asked not in so many relationships.  Ask for love!  That’s my prayer today.  Dad, I need your love, to love others.  For I know now more than ever that if I do not have his love, then I am left with my own version, which is really no love at all, but a lust to use others for my own prosperity.

In a broad sense this is the porn of love.  This love apart from God is a distorted love, as porn is a distortion of what sexual relationships are supposed to be about.  Whenever I choose lust over love, I have chosen porn.  Porn to me becomes an idiom.  When thinking of the word porn like this, there becomes a vivid, picture in my mind of what choosing lust is like.  And this doesn’t just go with sexual temptation, but every kind.  Eating, working out, sports, studying etc… all things can be done in a loving way or in a porn way.

And thinking this way does another thing as well;  I see all sins as choosing the lessor.  It’s all porn!

So one might be caught viewing porn on the computer, yet one might get caught eating Oreo cookies though there 50+lbs overweight.

Though I do acknowledge that sexual sin has a greater destructive nature in a relationship, I see the principle that lust is committed on both occasions, the porn viewer and the over eater.  Both have a problem with love.

Yet another might not even be into pornography yet is wrapped up is his own religious pride and uses it as a hammer to nail down those who are not so holy.  His religion is simply his self gratification.

Love does not seek it’s own at the expense of others.

The only way to love properly it would seem is to have another to focus on when thinking and relating to others.  And this is what the Bible gives us!  “Whatever you do, do to the glory of God!”  That’s it! I have the instruction of where I need to place my mind when relating to others.  So when I think of my wife, I re-focus on honoring God in how I treat her.  Same with my kids.  I do not do things for them for their sake, but for the honor of God’s sake I relate to them the way I do.  And so on.

For it to be Love there must be a focus, first on God, and His love for us, and then and only then are we able to see people and relate to people in a Biblical, “love does not seek it’s own, way.  I don’t think I could love people correctly (Biblically) if I did not understand love; Could I?

By now I believe we all would say we have a love problem, and the remedy is growing our knowledge of God’s love.  This understanding would help us not to judge wrongly especially in a marriage when both people need desperately to develop a better understanding and implementing of the Love of God.  If this would happen, then mercy would be much more prevalent in marriages.  For without mercy there can be no restoration, no grace.

Another thought is this; Is there a time where we are not to love our spouses, family, kids, etc…?

When can love cease?

I am told God’s loving mercy for me never ceases!  Oh, wow, how blessed I am to hear that!  I need that kind of mercy for sure.  Do you?

The never ending love of God compels me to continue to fight the desires that want to go astray daily!  When I fall, this love moves me to get back up.  It is a love filled with mercy and long-suffering or patience.

For some of you the desires might be fighting porn daily, as I have for a long time.  But over the time of fighting I have found underneath that pornography battle was a greater battle.  It was the battle of whether to love or not.

I am in that fight today, are you?