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Porn Addiction and the Brain

Posted on by RLAdmin

 

By Beau Ouellette
Thoughts from an article from Dr. Lasha Darkmoon
Note: read the article on the link first.  (But you’ll get it when you read below)
Critique:
If the behavior of porn addiction and habitual self gratification is a function of brain damage, then who is to fault the person from doing it? The behavior is simply due to brain mis-function; Biology over behavior.
There had to be a time when the brain was not damaged as the person starting viewing porn. Yet lust reigned. Lust is the problem, not the brain damage. Or the brain damage is a result of lust not the other way around.
It seems that frontal lobe damage, caused by long-term porn addiction and the compulsive masturbation that accompanies it, will give rise to a constellation of behaviors called “frontal lobe syndrome”. These include four main behavior patterns:  (1) Impulsive behavior with little regard to consequences. (2) Compulsive behavior, often leading to total loss of control. (3) Emotionally labile behavior, i.e., sudden and unpredictable mood swings. (4) Impaired judgment, leading to disastrous decision making.
How about addiction to TV or gaming and what that does to the brain. How about people’s arousal over books? So is book arousal ok for the brain?
To me the issue of the brain has little to do to shed light on breaking free from bondage to lust or even helping those understand what is happening in their lives. All of our brains have to be pretty messed up. We lust bad food, which affects the brain and body, we lust money which effects our moods and stress levels, we lust sex which from this article above is telling us how it affects the brain. Some people chose to lust sports, cars, houses, power, reputation, which must also effect the brain according to this view point. Obviously some distortions of the brain we deem ok and others not so.
When does brain function constitute bad behavior? We can have a rush of dopamine when we work out, so is that ok. When does this get deemed as bad? Or how about when I have sex with my wife? When is too much sexual stimulus with her bad for the brain? At what point does too much dopimine become harmful. Should we all be regulated daily to see what is too much or too little?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dopamine
It seems the focus is on the consequences and not on the culprit.
The process of masturbatory conditioning is inexorable and does not spontaneously remiss. The course of this illness may be slow and is nearly always hidden from view. It is usually a secret part of the man’s life, and like a cancer, it keeps growing and spreading. It rarely ever reverses itself, and it is also very difficult to treat and heal. (See here)
It is sad to read this.
First of all this article always talks about men. Women self gratify all the time. Sex toys are bought regularly by women all over the world. China exports and sells 24 billion in adult material a year (Some of that sex toys)! China also is a country that bans pornography. (This shows that they are exporting other things than porn vids.) Are women’s brains damaged too? How have so many million women’s brains been changed through self gratification? Maybe we all have damaged brains? Yes I’m being a bit sarcastic here.
If all men and women enjoy self gratification, (with or without another body present) and in turn our brains are jacked because of it, then it would reason both genders need healing. From what though?
If lust is the cause, then how do you fix someone of lusting?
If you try and fix the brain damage through drug therapy, then you only cover the symptom. Nothing will change.
Lust is a product of the fall of man. Sin’s desire is for us, to rule over us!
If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:7
Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.
From Jesus perspective, we are all brain damaged! Sin, (lust is a work of sin) is the cancer that has spread in us! The body is a fallen body, one that is damaged through the result of sin. There are many area’s of the body’s biological functions that are a mis due to sins work in it. We hate, kill, steal, envy, are jealous, cheat and all these actions run through the brain. Do we take pills for hating? Killing? Stealing? Being envious of others? Etc…
Back to the article – One of my patients was so deeply addicted that he could not stay away from pornography for 90 days, even for $1,000. It is difficult for non-addicts to comprehend the totally driven nature of a sex addict. When the “wave” hits them, nothing can stand in the way of getting what they want—whether that be pornography accompanied by masturbation, sex from a prostitute, molesting a child, or raping a woman.
An example might help illustrate this problem. Ralph was a sexual addict, married 12 years with three children. He was active in his church and held sincere, high moral principles. He believed in the Ten Commandments and opposed adultery. Yet his particular cycle involved pornography use, followed by paid sex with prostitutes. After each incident, he begged God for forgiveness and swore that it would never happen again. But it did, again and again.
Since the trigger of each adulterous act was pornography-use, we decided to try to free him from his dependence on this material. I asked him to write me a check for $1,000, indicating that I would return it if he went 90 days without using pornography. Ralph loved to hang on to his money and was quite attracted to our strategy. “There’s no way I’d look at dirty videos or magazines if I knew it would cost me a thousand dollars!” he said.
He managed to resist temptation remarkably well for a while. But on the 87th day, he drove past an “adult” bookstore in an unfamiliar city while on a business trip. He slammed on the brakes, entered the store, and went virtually berserk for 90 minutes. When I saw him the following week, he tearfully confessed that he had lost his $1,000. Since he had gone 87 days “sober,” I decided to give him another chance.
So we started another 90-day “sobriety” cycle. We both felt that if he could go 87 days, he could certainly make 90 if we tried again, especially if it meant recovering his $1,000.
This time he went only 14 days before he relapsed. He lost his money, which was given to a charity. He was extremely committed to quit in order to save his marriage and to live in harmony with his religious principles. But that was not the case. In my opinion, even if he had given me $10,000, he still would have relapsed. When the wave hits them, these men are consumed by their appetite, regardless of the costs or consequences. Their addiction virtually rules their lives.  (Seehere)
Pornography can be a source for lust to grow, but it is not the culprit either.
Books like the Song of Solomon were on the chopping block at times in history for being to erotic.  But the real issue was not the Song of Solomon, it was the lust which was in the person who read it. If lust is not dealt with then lust will find a way, it always does. You can remove all the pornography in the world, yet people will still self – gratify by themselves, or with another body or an animal. So people in history are brain damaged as well, as these practices have been around since the fall. Something needs to happen to change the human heart from a continual lustful behavior.
If the Son set’s you free you are free indeed.” John 8:36
The real way to help people overcome brain damage is not through the body, but through the Spirit! Jesus taught this in John 3 where he said, unless you be born again you cannot see the Kingdom of God. The change that Jesus pointed to was to become spiritually made new and alive!
The Spirit of God is the only way to overcome a fallen body. Romans 7 and 8 so greatly speak on this doctrine.
God is all powerful and His Spirit is able to change behavior of a body that biologically is failing. But most importantly God’s Spirit is able to conquer the culprit; Lust.
Conclusion:
Too much focus is on the effects of the brain (Mark Dricol’s book plus many more)
There is a focus on sexual issues with the brain of men, and not women (not consistent science or social science)
These behaviors that have caused the supposed damage to the brain have been around forever. So we can’t blame the modern pornography industry, though we do it so well!
Understanding my brain will not get me free from the real problem.
The real issue is that I am a fallen, sinful human being.
We need to be made new to have any change to conquer the culprit
Altering lust from sex to power, reputation, beauty, gaming, or TV, radio & readinga will still mean the rule of lust. There is only one true solution. A power to overcome the culprit which is lust.

Ready for Abduction

Posted on by RLAdmin

Abducted. Is this word ever a positive thing? Yup, to Katy Perry it is. Well, Katy and Kanye. They have a song out right now, probably super popular on the radio. I don’t know, I’m lame and don’t really listen to the radio, but I did get the chance to hear it in a local shop near the University. A few of the words caught my attention so I went ahead and looked up the lyrics online. Being involved in a ministry that deals, as honestly as we can, with sex, what the bible actually says about it and the distortions of it, I shouldn’t have been surprised about what I read.

But I was.

At first glance, I was so bummed that a message like this is going out in this song. The guy comes in singing about how rad he is (sexually, of course) and that his kind of love is other-worldly. At least he admits that his behavior is animalistic, but he is prized in the opening verse as a “legend” and that being with him is the “danger zone” and the “fantasy”. Then the girl’s part comes in and the message is that her great longing is to be “abducted” by this supernatural experience of lust. The sex being talked about through these lyrics is brutal, ugly and forceful, yet it’s something the girl is all about. Even excited over and desiring.

Again, at first, I was bummed at this lewdness and the distorted message. The song is saying- being a chick means having this kind of crazy sex and that therein is your value; the dude gets praised for his sexual domination and the chick is just trying to get what he has. And, yeah, that is a bummer, it’s a distortion of what God intended.

But then I had to stop and consider my own heart, my own past. Without getting too personal, I have had thoughts of a similar distortion. In fact, I’d wager to guess that many women out there have fantasized about that which isn’t beautiful, kind or sensitive. Why do we do that? Why do women want to be hurt? Especially in this regard? I mean, yes, there’s a whole thing about women’s rights and getting the fair thing, and standing up for ourselves. But I’m talking about- why is there this secret (maybe no-so-secret depending on your crowd) pull to be sexually mistreated or exploited as a girl?

I read an article recently where a former porn-mag editor interviewed a bunch of middle-schoolers and asked them what kind of porn they had seen and what it had done to their views on sex. The boys, averaging in age between 14-15 years old, mostly liked the porn they had seen (even though they admitted to easily accessing even beastiality via Facebook), but the girls were “…more confused, angry and frightened by [the] online sexual imagery” (www.dailymail.co.uk). While the boys were interested in what they were seeing, the girls were quite unsure, even afraid.

Somewhere along the line, the boy grows up to be a ‘guy’ and the girl grows up to be a ‘chick’ and he continues to dig the lust and distorted view of sex, wanting what’s weird and ugly, and she seems to become cool with that notion too. In fact, she eventually begins to give herself away, willingly, lusting after her own exploitation.

I see the correlation between having access to pornography (whether you wanted it or not) from such a young age and the distortion of sex that it offers, then the later consequences of how we view ourselves and sex in our adult lives. Some of the junior high students interviewed said they would just be perusing Facebook and a friend would send them a link and they’d all of a sudden be knee-deep in pornographic images, some of which I’m sure they wished they could’ve never seen. Unintended, but the enemy uses that little seed and sooner or later we have a whole generation singing (or listening to) lyrics like,

“Kiss me, kiss me
Infect me with your love and
Fill me with your poison
Take me, take me
Wanna be your victim
Ready for abduction.”

Abduction. Infection. Poison. Victim.

God talks of sex in very different terms. God designed sex to show the world what His love was like. Right off the bat, that might make most of you squirm. Sex is about God’s love? Yes, it is…in amazing ways. We have such a crazy distorted view of sex many of us can’t even begin to wrap our mind around the concept. But, that’s the filter of lust, not the one of biblical love. Paul quotes Genesis and talks about how when a man becomes one flesh with his wife, that act is a depiction of Christ and the Church, His bride. Sex was designed by God, and as all things that were designed by God glorify Him, so does sex (when done in the scriptural context). The literal two becoming one that happens in the act of sex, is a picture of God, Himself. God is one of many parts (the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and that compound unity can be seen when we see one man and one woman coming together in sex and becoming ‘one flesh’- also a compound unity.

Sex is supposed to be holy. And I don’t mean stale, boring and weird. I mean incredible! And, when it is truly understood, holy sex is just that. The world suggests that sex is dirty, debased and ugly. Media, porn and even our own distortion within, often says that sex is degrading and about domination and being dominated. That’s why we get songs like this where the dude is all about his power and the girl is all about her weakness. He takes, and she is taken. NOT what God intended.

Question for ya… wouldn’t it be mind-blowing if the Church showed the world what true sex was all about and caused the world to look at Christians and say, “Wow…I don’t want this lie of the world anymore. I want what they’ve got!”

“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” (Ephesians 5:28-32)

To Care or Not to Care?

Posted on by RLAdmin

Image
Written by Beau Ouellette
The question was asked:   Why do evolutionist care when a animal goes extinct?  Isn’t that a part of the survival of the fittest?
The best answer that I have heard was that caring for animals is a survival mechanism in itself for humans.  Caring has been en-grafted in the evolutionary progression of man at some point to help us live.
This is an interesting idea, but falls short of simple observational science.
  1. If caring is a survival mechanism of evolution, then why do we not care all the time for animals or humans for that matter?  People have aborted there babies for centuries, slaughtered animals and people for prophet, wars rage year after year.
  2. “”, then we couldn’t critique people for not caring sense that is simply an underdeveloped brain in their evolutionary development, and how can you criticize that?
  3. It would also reason that religion and it’s morality (like caring) could also be considered an evolutionary mechanism for our survival.  As some of today’s scientist have put it there could be a religious ‘node’ of the brain.  Biological Substrate.
  4. If that is the case then why would you critique someone’s religion, and certainly why would an Atheist criticize a Christian or any other religion for that matter.  It’s just our evolutionary brain doing It’s thing.
The Bible gives us an answer as well.  Jeremiah said that the heart of man is bent on evil, who can understand it?  That makes sense to me observably in the world.  We are out for our own gain, our motivations are not to benefit others (caring) but to do what it takes to win in life, even at others expense.  When I see the statistics on animal extinction, human trafficking, human abuse, killing, war, child porn etc… It is evident that we are wicked.
To say that the evidence simply points to a world that does not care much due to us not progressing far enough yet in our evolutionary trajectory, makes all the not caring of the world just a matter of biology.  “It’s what we do at this time in evolution.”  And how can you critique that?
Is that the way you see things when someone get’s raped?  It’s just a poor unfortunate (who does the raping) who has not progressed in his evolution?
So there is no absolute right or wrong in these matters, it is all biology.  Weather a religious war or an Atheist regime, they both are understandably normal because they both are products of there evolution.  And how can you criticize that?
So why is there so much criticism towards religion from the Atheist of today?  Superstition (religion) is a part of our evolution or else we would never have thought of such things.  That’s if evolutionist really believe they are right.  If we evolved then what we think is the product of our brain and it’s ability to think of things like God or gods wouldn’t it?  And why would we think of such things (gods or God) if it wasn’t for our survival?
But there arguments against religion only points to one thing in my view; the Atheist are not right.  To argue against religion is like trying to stop someone from salivating when they see food while hungry.  Salivating is just a part of the mechanics of our body, it’s what we do.  Religion is what the brain does today, so why would the smart professor go ahead and rip into people who are doing what they do biologically?  And if you can’t salivate, because of some malfunction, would you abuse someone verbally for that?
But the Atheist do!  Religions people have a malfunction of sorts Dawkins says:
“I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world.” 
But why care?  Maybe someone’s religion is what has caused there people to survive thus far in the world.  All the made up stores of creation, and redemption, sacrifice and morality has helped the humans make it out alive and organize over there less developed brain counterparts, the chimpanzee!  (or other humans for that matter)
The argument against religion is one that works for religion in my mind.  I think what would be more of a consistent approach for Atheist is if they would concede that religion is a part of our evolutionary development and it is not to be criticized.  Our evolutionary needs will find a way out of it, if it is necessary for survival; right?

Freud, Feelings, Scripture and the Super Ego

Posted on by RLAdmin


Feelings are stupid. I said that the other day to a friend and made myself chuckle. I didn’t mean to be so abrupt, and blunt, but I believe the words came from the Holy Spirit. I’ve been caught in the storm of my emotions pretty heavily recently. I have been up and down, tossed around and it’s maddening! We read in the study in youth this morning Ephesians 4:14 where Paul says, “Don’t be like children, tossed to and fro, by every wind of doctrine.” I wrote next to that verse in the margin of my bible, “I am so sick of this!” Being tossed to and fro by the winds of emotions is no fun at all.

What is wonderful is to be held, grounded, full of peace and patience and abiding in the strength of Christ in my life. That’s certainly my desire, but it’s a battle I fight with my inward man daily. I was talking with a friend last night at a wedding and she’s in psychology classes. She’s just learning about Freud and said to me, “You know, I was learning about the ‘id’ and the more I heard the more I thought to myself that the ‘id’ is just like the devil. And then I began to learn about the ‘super ego’ and thought to myself the ‘super ego’ is just the Holy Spirit.” Ha! She’s so right! (Freud fans will have to bear with me). Solomon said there’s nothing new under the sun (Eccl. 1:9) and he came way before Mr. Freud, so even though the world looks at Freud as the Father of Psychology, he’s really just a guy who came up with his own spin on what had been around forever- the truth of God.

There are absolutely three parts to the person. The Word says those are- the body, soul and spirit. Scripturally, the body is often referred to as the ‘flesh’ and is what we both, literally, dwell in (this tent) and also the sin-nature we battle, even as believers. The soul is discussed as the ‘mind, will and emotions’ and is impacted by the body and the spirit. David would speak to his soul to align it with things of the Spirit when it was off (see Psalm 42 and 43). And the spirit of man is the place that has been sealed by the Holy Spirit of God, this is the regenerated part of person who has been born again. The spirit is where God dwells and communes with us, even though we live still in the flesh.

Now, let’s look at those in relation to what Sigmund propagated. Freud said the three parts to our personality (or inner self) were the ‘id’, ‘ego’ and ‘super ego’. The ‘ego’ as Freud explained was our sort of baseline, foundational, neutral self. It wasn’t necessarily bad and it wasn’t necessarily good. Now, that definition differs slightly from God’s definition, but we’ll go with that as, what the Word calls, our ‘soul’.

The soul of man is that more ‘neutral’ part. Now, we are all born in sin and raised in iniquity and like Adam, we all die because of it, so ‘neutral’ is a very loosely applied word here. However, we can see the parallel I think. Our soul is the component of us that is effected by the other two. The soul doesn’t so much effect the spirit or the body, but rather the body and the spirit effect the soul. Similarly the ‘id’ and ‘super ego’ effect the ‘ego,’ not the other way around.

Quickly, I’ll address the other two components, but as my brilliant (and lovely) friend already summed up for us, the ‘id’ is the parallel to Satan (the enemy of our souls) and the ‘super ego’ is the parallel to the Holy Spirit, the One given the task of reconciling us to right relationship with God and aiding us in navigating against the body/’id’.

So what’s the big idea writing about Freud and these psych terms and maybe getting some of you lost in my gibberish about Solomon and the things of the soul… well, precisely that, actually… the things of the soul.

I opened up with a confession (and frustration) at the waywardness of my feelings, lately. They have been driving me mad and I’ve been following them around, letting them lead me. My soul has been tossed ‘to and fro’ by the winds of my ‘id’ (my body/flesh/the enemy) working against me. The Word teaches us to be “renewed in the spirit of our mind” (Eph. 4:23) and yet this flesh I live in wars against the things of the Spirit. The warring between my body and soul (my ‘id’ and ‘ego’) manifests itself in my emotional turmoil.

My flesh/the enemy tells me I am not loved by God, tells me that I am not pretty, tells me that I am not smart. This ‘id’ component of Katy lies and my God-given emotions get wishy-washy and I lean toward self-condemnation and feeling bummed.

*Enter the Holy Spirit/ ‘super ego’.*

As Freud would explain, this is where my ‘super ego’ begins to speak. We know Him as the Holy Spirit, and He says to my tossed-around soul, “Be still and know that I AM.” He whispers to my messy heart, lost in the sway of sorrow and confusion, “I love you, Katy. You are Mine. Rest, dear one. Trust Me and return to Me.”

I admit that my analysis of Freud’s personality theory is surface, at best, but for the purpose of this little article, I enjoyed comparing them to the truth of Scripture. The ‘ego’, according to Freud, is constantly attempting to deal with the impulse desires of the ‘id’ and constantly attempting to appease the scrutiny of the ‘super ego’. The first part of that proposition is true to the Word. Our soul does war against the flesh and the enemy. Like Paul, there are absolutely days when I cry out, “Oh! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I do the things I do not want to do and do not do the things I want to!” (Romans 7). My sins are many and the struggle against the pull to give into them is stronger some days than others. However, the second assertion he makes is where our understanding of truth as presented by God differs from Freud’s. Freud suggests the ‘ego’ is also constantly attempting to appease weighty requirements of the ‘super ego’, but we relate very differently the to Holy Spirit.

You see, unlike the ‘super ego’, the Holy Spirit brings to us grace. Grace! Oh, what glorious grace! He calls me into grace. He calls me into rest. He calls me to trust in the Lord and lean not on my own understanding. He calls me to gaze on the beauty of Christ Jesus who, for love’s sake, gave Himself for me that I might come, freely, to Him and drink deeply of His forgiveness. In a right understanding of the Holy Spirit’s job in my life, I am not bearing down under the weight of the requirements He sets before me. Instead, I am running into Him for freedom from those very weights against me.

Romans 8: 3-4 is an incredible statement illustrating this truth-

“For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.”

Woah! This flesh (the body or ‘ego’) that is tossed to and fro by the winds of impurity and wrongful desire and inaccurate feelings has been redeemed! What this flesh could not do (for the law was established so that I could be brought near to God again, but I just couldn’t stinkin’ ever do it), God did! God did it on my behalf, and yours. He condemned the ‘id’ and my flesh so that the righteous requirement would be fulfilled; now I can walk according to the Spirit and rejoice! My relationship with the ‘super ego’/Holy Spirit is now one of joy, peace, reconciliation, power, freedom and love. He is not the annoying, boss-like, goody-two-shoes, on my shoulder merely taking the fun out of life and harshly directing me right from wrong. Rather, He is the Spirit of the living God dwelling on the inside of me and teaching me to live in accordance with Him!

The war between my soul and the tempestuous emotions of my flesh has been won!

Back to my thoughts on feelings… If we jump down to Romans 8:14 we read something that my soul needs to marinate on more often when the “stupid feelings” and pulls of the world come on strong. It reads, “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” The world, my ‘id’, is wrong; I am not ugly, fat, dumb, unwise, messing up, or whatever else those lies would like me to believe. I am His daughter. By being led by the Spirit of God, I am a child of God! Feelings can be stupid. What is true, says the Holy Spirit, is that I am-

adopted
a child
an heir
a saint
a lover of God
called
justified
glorified in Christ
conqueror
loved…by…God…

(see the rest of Romans for that list)

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1). Though my feelings may condemn me, my ‘ego’ (soul) does not live according to the pressures and pulls of the flesh anymore. I now live by the Spirit (my Freudian-termed ‘super ego’). He is my hope. My body is one of death and is, just as the ‘id’, a nemesis at times. My feelings succumb to the foolishness of the enemy. But, by the grace of God I am reminded, instead, of the great love He has for me and what He has spoken over me instead.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.” (Psalm 43:5)

Be loved.

Katy

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Sent from my iPad

Romance Readers

Posted on by RLAdmin

According to the Romance Writers of America organization, 29 million romance novels are sold annually. 90% of the readership is women. Pornography is defined as, “the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement” (Webster- Miriam Dictionary). The cover of the novel winning the 2011 RITA “Historical Romance” award is clearly pornographic. The cover displays a woman straddling a well-built man. As far as her face, or his, all the reader sees is the side of her lower cheek and neck and the same of him. His hand is on her thigh. The image is clearly “erotic behavior” and the intention is not to simply display a caring relationship of purity. While I understand that the romance novel genre is varied in the level of explicit material, the common language of this genre includes sexual content.

They know that, that’s not surprising information. Or is it? We have had a women’s accountability group with Running Light for nearly 5 months. The women who attend are awesome and are ready to deal with this hush-hush issue of women lusting and falling into sexual sin. I wanted to take a minute to post some info, because I believe there are some misconceptions about what it means that women lust and even what this group is really about.

In our group we have issues ranging from struggling with watching porn, reading romance novels, wanting male attention and affection and living on purpose to get it, lusting after relationships, online chatting, self-gratification and lustful physical relationships. Since the freedom men have to come out about their addiction to pornography or sexual immorality is fairly recent (and in a silly way ‘expected’) us women are facing a twofold challenge. We are both facing our own fears of being vulnerable with this area of our lives, and we are facing the judgment and misunderstanding from the church. But it’s real and we are willing to be bold enough to live in confession, for it truly our joy to be set free!

At a recent Promise Keepers conference over 50% of the men in attendance admitted to having watched porn in the last week (prior to attending the conference). The statistics on women are a bit fewer and far between but they’re out there. In 2008 a study reported that 30% (or nearly 1 in 3) viewers of online porn were women. If you can handle those facts, then let’s take it one step further and consider this statistic about romance novels. 90% of the 29 million romance novels purchased, are female readers. Those numbers are incredible. Women are lusting. Women are absolutely lusting after porn, lusting after guys and gals, involved in elicit sexual relationships and engaged in online sex-chatting. But what about the pocket of women who are ‘just’ reading romance novels. “I don’t have a problem with lust” they might say. Well…I beg to differ.

Lust is for selfish gratification. Why do we read romantic material? I know when I was reading the Twilight series, the only one who was benefitting from the steamy sections was me. Selfish gratification. And Twilight probably isn’t even considered a part of the “romance novel” genre! If I’m reading something for purely selfish motivations and to feed a sexual/sensual/emotional need or desire, that’s lust. If I’m not reading it to find joy in the Godly benefit of another (God included, His benefit is part of that) then it’s not done in love and there’s only one other option… lust.

Here’s a quote for your consideration, “Four all-new stories of hot paranormal desire” from the cover of the 2011 RITA “Romance Novella” award winner. Jesus has freedom for us, ladies! Some of you are absolutely in this group. The average age of this readership body is 30-54. I know that I was in my mid-twenties reading Twilight and the steamy scenes enticed me just the same. These women are readers, they’re intellectuals, church-goers, of all economic backgrounds. This stuff is all too common and it’s just another avenue the enemy is using to keep us in bondage to a sin we don’t even think we succumb to.

Wake up, Bride! Your heart is sealed by the Holy Spirit and He is a vehement flame of love! His love is as strong as death and His jealousy is as cruel as the grave (Song 8:6). Do not be deceived any longer! Come out from the yoke of bondage to lust and be free. If you have said ‘yes’ to Jesus then you have Love, Himself, saying to you, “You are my beloved and My desire is toward you” (Song 7:10). Don’t settle for the distortion of pornography, even if it comes in the unassuming package of a romance novel.

(Statistics courtesy of Romance Writers of America viahttp://publishing.about.com/od/BookAuthorBasics/a/Romance-Novels-About-The-Romance-Fiction-Genre.htm)

Miley Cyrus – I feel your pain!

Posted on by RLAdmin

My wife told me once that Miley’s favorite Bible verse was Ephesians 5:8; “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Walk as children of light.”

What a great passage.  My good friend who has sense gone on to his reward, Jim Cherry (base-player for the band Strungout) once told me the same thing.  The passage is awesome!  To those who’s eyes have been opened to who Jesus was (and still is), and to those who have been un-plugged from the Matrix, we now see things as never before.  Jesus is the light that has shown in our hearts and minds, moving us away from the blindness that once defined us.
Miley at one time claimed Christ as her savior, and from the performance last night at the MTV awards it would seem pretty clearly that she has moved away from, “What would Jesus do?”  But I sympathize with her.  I do.  I have had some pretty narley spiritual face plants as a Christian.  Now maybe not in front of hundreds of thousands of people over the world, but I can remember my own blunders in sin before friends.  What my heart saddens over in her situation is that her plight is the path most taken, and the one that leads to nowhere.  She certainly revealed what is in her heart at the moment.  
Now, the effects of the corrupt nature are obvious: illicit sex, perversion, promiscuity, Gal 5:19
I found that I too have the same fleshly appetites as she does.  I fight mine, by the grace of God by renewing my mind in the Word daily.  Meditating on the Word day and night.  Praying my affections be towards Jesus and find His pleasure be utmost satisfying as when I hang with a best friend.  
This is why I feel for her; she’s struggling with fighting her’s, and when that battle against sin is not being waged we backslide into a life of sin against God and people.  That’s a bummer and no fun for the Christian to be in; of course I’m assuming she has a relationship with Jesus.
Others at the event obviously were embarrassed for her.  We all have been there haven’t we?  A performer gets on stage and when they start out we think, “Oh, the’ll recover, that’s just a mistake,” but they never do.  Some of us laugh, some of us get embarrassed and turn away.  But from the look at some of the faces the later was more dominant.
I think we kind of realize that it is weird when a kid who grows up with seemingly everything this world has to offer, then by her actions, seems to miss the value and blessing of it.  What percent of kids in the world is she in that grows up like she has?   Sure she like everyone has probably had difficulty with her family at times, but was she raised oblivious to what a struggle life can be for most people?  Her performance reminded me of the person who wants to be in a gang and there from Bel-Air, Los Angeles!  It’s just embarrassing when you see that kind of thing.  And it’s sad, because the kid from Bel-Air just does not understand what so many gang kids are raised around.  All the rich kid sees is the video, the girls shaking there rumps and thinks, “hey that looks awesome!”  So he get’s himself some khakis and sports a flannel.  His language changes along with his strut.  But one thing is missing…It’s not his world…his life.  He does not see things correctly.
I think Miley is in this kind of rut as most of us have been (or still am), if we are honest with our lives.  She does not understand the world of a prostitute, stripper, adult actress, yet she acted like one.  I can only imagine what these women in the professions I named would think of her act?  Miley get’s to go home to a plush house, many of the others do not.  Many in the adult entertainment world across the world would rather be doing something different with there lives than being someone else’s play thing.  There are girls all over the world that are sex trafficked, and then many others that start prostituting at 13yrs old!  When you realize this, it becomes hard to see last nights performance as ‘sexy’ in any way.  It becomes porn, a less than, a distortion of something that is intended to be awesome and so beautiful.  And because of that distortion many women in the world have suffered and still do.  Women’s freedom’s have come in the last 70 years (approx) in this country, and in some of the world, women are stilled somewhat considered property.  As property women are exposed to such degradation.  Man it’s so sad!  Lust simply sucks and it’s appetite has no end.
I think if Miley had a upbringing that was different and did not claim a relationship with Jesus, I would think a bit different about the performance.  But she has tasted and seen that the Lord is good!  She has partaken of his ‘fatness.’  That means the good stuff!!!  Some of us that grow up not knowing Jesus at all, simply know this world and how it works.  We do things to survive feeding our bodily appetites, and we think nothing of it.  When we do stupid things in ignorance  our excuse is that we don’t know what were doing, were drunk, on drugs or just wanting to have sex!  Bodily pleasure is everything.  
But I thought Miley was un-plugged from this Matrix?  Her favorite passage of scripture says it all.  “You once were (past tense) darkness, but now you are children of light (we’re un-plugged and seeing clearly now.)  But the last part is the kicker for all of us Christians, “Walk as children of light.”  
Christians stumble.  We stumble allot!  The men and women of faith in the Bible are a mess!  I thank God for His mercy and grace that is clearly most seen in Jesus dying on a Roman cross on the ancient freeway for my sins.
Tonight, my 12yr old daughter and I prayed for Miley.  We prayed simply that our Lord will touch her heart and bring her back to Him, for her to see Jesus as her treasure.  For so she will learn; nothing in this world will suffice, it is all sinking sand.
Zephaniah 3:17


The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.”

O2 Experience- West Coast 2013!

Posted on by RLAdmin

By Beau Ouellette

“How beautiful on the mountains are
the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good
tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, ‘Your God
reigns!'”  (Isaiah 52:7)

I have been on the road for the
past 10 days on the O2 Experience West Coast tour 2013!  The O2 Experience
is an evangelical outreach to cities with the desire to share Christ so that
those attending become Christians.  It was wonderful to see salvation come
to lives as the gospel was preached!  Pastor Levi Lusko did a wonderful
job, in Christ, sharing the Word of Life as many people made decisions that
lead them into heaven!  Pretty cool.
We at Running Light have been
blessed to have a booth at the O2 Experience for the past 4 years.  We
have traveled to Colorado, Montana, Washington, Oregon, California and Idaho
with the O2 team!
What we experienced this year in
Orange County, California was absolutely wonderful!  On this leg of the
tour our RLM team joined forces in the O.C.!   Katy, Caleb, Peter,
Anissa, Pastor Scott and Sean were all there with me sharing the Better
Pleasure that is in Christ. We shared information for those who wanted to know
more.  It was so awesome to witness the team sharing with people. 
One of the greatest joys as a Pastor is to see those you love and feed into
with the Word mimicking you!  In Philippians 4:1, the Rabbi Paul tells the
beloved brethren, “You are my joy and crown!”  To Paul there was
no greater enjoyment than to see those he fed into, in turn, feeding others. 
This is what Church growth is all about. 2 Timothy 2:2 says it this way,
“And the things you have heard from me commit to faithful witnesses who
will be able to teach others also.”  The Church grows as we multiply
ourselves.  Find people who have a heart for Christ and His Word, feed
into them and continue to do so.  Then give them opportunity to
share!  Back in the O.C., I stood there listening to what the RLM team shared
with others and all I could think about is that I have worked myself out a job
(haha)!  What a blessing!  The words that were shared by the team, with
those who approached the booth, brought people to contemplate the Word of God
(and what He has to say) in the area of sex.  So many were grateful to
understand the purpose and plan of sexuality and how thinking about the topic
brings us to a deeper study of God, Himself! 
But the best was yet to come! 
Midway through the O2 Experience a young man, who was about 16 years old, came
to our table. He was working at a Krispy Kreme doughnut table at the
event.  I’m not sure why he came over, but he ended up in a battle of
words with Peter, Sean and Caleb.  One of these three would speak and
then the boy would respond and talk. It was like a wrestling match, as one of
the RLM team would be tagged into the conversation next!  Pastor Scott and
I were off to the side praying in our hearts, praising God, and
listening.  This went on for nearly an hour, I think.  The gospel was
presented- the power of Christ to forgive, the need for us to be forgiven, and
the Spirit’s gift to move us toward betterment.  And at the end of the
conversation an invitation was given and the boy received Christ into his
life!  New life was given to that boy that night.  As the night finished up, my
heart was so excited to see what God has done in this ministry from Tucson,
Arizona and in the lives of those who are a part of it.
At the end of the O.C. event, the
RLM team prayed with each other. We were so close together in a circle that
night I think our heads were touching.  True koinonia.  It was fellowship like no other.  Our hearts
were on Christ.  We are in love with Him.  There was no thinking of
whether it was right or not to be ‘praying with women’ and the vain things that
happen when we see things out of the Agape context.  This was absolutely
beautiful.  I hope to experience this again as I know it is not something
that happens often.
What has brought on such
fellowship?  Simply put… being real.   This RLM team is not a
perfect team.  We have flaws.  Each and every one of us has flaws. 
We share them with one another and pray for each other. 

“Confess your sins to one
another that you might be healed.” (James 5:16)  

We are weak and need to have Christ
manifest His truth in and through us.  Our hope is that others will see that we
are dependent on the Savior, for there is nothing else that meets our
needs.  The work of the Spirit is amazing and hard to describe.  I
can relate to Jesus, in John 3, when He talks about the Spirit being like the
wind, blowing where it wishes.  God is merciful and gracious and rich in
mercy.  We are well aware of our own weakness and His great strength.
I do not know the future of RLM,
what the ministry holds or the direction it will go. Sure, it began with a
vision to help those in sexual bondage to seek the Better Pleasure that Jesus
is, but what direction is it going to go in?  God knows and I’m good with
that.  This same move of the Spirit has flowed into our student ministry
at Calvary too.  Students are getting saved, coming to know Christ in a
deeper way, and seeking Christ daily as the nourishment they truly need! 
I’ve always heard this
statement- “Teach the Word and love the people.”  How true that is
and now I see even another part to this admonition.  Show the
people!  As the RLM team and I have let people know our own failures (confession)
and, in turn, how we are pressing into Christ, others see the example and are
following suit!  Giving people a look at a life lived in the Word and not
just a look at the Word is what, I think, we leaders are learning.  This
means opening up our own lives to those that we desire to see changed.  It
also means that there needs to be vulnerability in us before men.  We
might be weak and fragile, yet how great it is that the power to change lives
is done by God and not by us.
We are learning to know no other
than Christ and Him crucified.  For a moment I think I get it… and then
it’s like my brain is in a pinball machine that got hit hard and gets thrown
into ‘TILT’ mode again. All we can do is press forward to the goal of
seeing Christ glorified in us.
Happy (blessed) are we,
Pastor Beau

Health Care…Really?

Posted on by RLAdmin

By Sean Richards
I
am a Paranoid Schizophrenic and have Bipolar Type 2. I also developed Epilepsy
due to an overdose, which I can tell you about in a bit. I’ve had these
disorders as long as I can remember and only after a huge episode in middle
school, was I recognized as being “unstable.” I saw many therapists
and they recommended a medicinal approach to treat my severe stress and
anxiety. From when I was first put on medication the doctor pretty much knew I
was what I am known as today (schizophrenic and bipolar). At one point, the medication doses
got as high as 600mg of Resperdol and 500mg of Serequil to treat
my hallucinations.
Prior
to using the drugs, I would see people and animals come and go whenever I’d
blink- not too threatening. But while on the medication, I would see bizarre
creatures in broad daylight, including monsters from scary stories I’d read. I
read those stories in an attempt to take the nerves off and quiet the ever-increasing
voice, which by the time I began taking medicine had influenced me into compulsive self-injury. I did a number
on myself, including two suicide attempts, in an effort to shut the voice up. My
right leg took the worst of it- 3 separate cuts, which went 1.5 inches into my leg
muscle. I had a customized knife I used, which became
more of a comfort to me than my bible. I limited myself to only losing 10 ml of
blood a day, which was “safe”, meaning I wouldn’t suffer long-term
effects.
Still
people could see it was draining me, and the pills only made things worse. After
telling someone about this, I got my knife taken away so I turned to burning. I
now have permanent scars on my left wrist, arm, shoulder, and both legs from
pouring flammable liquid on them and igniting it, attempting to bore out the
voice. Nothing worked, and the solution from the doctor was just more medicine.
Before the fire and the deepest cuts my doctor admitted me to Aurora Mental
Institution in Tempe. This lead the doctors to no conclusions.
When
I came back my doctor gave me a dosage of Resperdol that was deliberately
toxic- 900mg. I went into a Grand Mal seizure but because my brain had been desensitized due to the level of mental
stress my mind was used to, I was conscious for the whole
thing. I survived but now have involuntary twitches that come and go. The
solution to this? MORE MEDS! I was put on probably 6 different medications that
I don’t remember the names of. Zoloft and Saphris being some notable ones. But
the “biggest” one was the one that made me big- Zyprexa. I gained 60
pounds in 2 weeks and now have stretch marks that make pregnancy marks look
like a joke.
Finally,
I forced my mind to realize these pills weren’t helping with the voice or the
depression and only goaded on the cutting and burning worse and worse. I
got out while I was ‘ahead’. I hadn’t the strength to get to church in months
and finally felt called to listen to bible studies online. Someone recommended
that I listen to Levi Lusko, and after going through his studies in Revelation
and Song of Solomon, I felt my spirit had finally gotten enough nourishment to
actually make a choice. I quit taking my medication cold turkey. The hallucinations
were horrific and I was really itchy, but it only lasted one awful night. After
that, I began my walk with Christ in a way I had never walked before.
My
episodes come as a daily hindrance, like anyone would struggle. However, I have
been given a strength and dependence on what God because of what He has done
for me. As a result of my leap of faith in trusting that I didn’t need to be
brain-dead to function, God has given me a new purpose. I haven’t cut now in 8
months and am pursuing a college degree in psychology. My further goal is to
get into biblical counseling. God is now using me in ways I didn’t have the
strength to think of 9 months ago. Funny thing is, I haven’t regretted it no
matter how many times the voice taunts me and no matter how weird the things I
see are as a result of that “medicine.” I finally got tired of being
tired.
I
can deal with the voice and the stress and the pain if it means I can also know
the comforting voice of the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t have had that with the
pills and I missed it dearly. I can function and smile even with a bully in the
back of my head because Jesus’ voice is clearer now than ever. And He is the
good Shepherd. We as sheep hear His voice and are able to run from the voices
of strangers. In my experience, popping a pill dulls out any voice and just
leaves us vulnerable to the wolves regardless.

“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls
around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

“I
am the good shepherd; and I know My sheep, and am known by My own…My sheep hear
My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” John 10:14, 27

Now that
you know where I’m coming from, let me share more about my opinion of the use of
pharmaceutical drugs. The study of
medicine as the cure all for psychological distress is a flawed one at best.
Consider this- when you ask any psychologist or psychiatrist, with a full
medical education, how they know the medicine they prescribe on a whim is
actually helping their patients- to personally quote my own- they said they
“don’t”. They’re just throwing medicine at us to see if it sticks. And
99% of the time it doesn’t help; and almost just as often it actually makes new
problems to add on to or replace the old ones. The medicinal approach to
psychology today is flawed and does more damage than healing.
             My
opinion comes from several cases that I am personally aware of. I am referring
to two women and then myself as examples. Both of these women I know personally
to this day and you’ve just heard my own story.
One of these women fully
embraced the medical approach and ended up frying her brain beyond all reason. When
she was brought to a “better place” according to her psychologist, it only
dulled all her senses and she was unable to receive any support or compassion
from anyone. On top of this, she was initially being treated for Manic Depression but ended up developing a severe case of Epilepsy solely due to the
medicinal dosage. Instead of taking her off of the medicine to stop any
permanent damage, she was just prescribed another even riskier medicine to
treat her Epilepsy. That medication caused her to suffer a serious drop in
important chemicals to her brain and she reverted back to her Manic Depressive
episodes at an ever higher risk to herself and those around her. As you can see
the ‘help’ the doctor gave only made her worse.
The second example, being myself, is almost exactly similar, but even more serious in
the process. I came in hoping for relief from the stress the disorder I was
suffering with caused me. Over a period of several years of treatment, there
are three highlights I’ll go into. First was the Resperdol/Serequil stage,
which many military members may ‘fondly’ recognize. The result of taking those
was both long and short term. There was an increase in the severity of the
symptoms and a total dulling of all emotional reception- nothing short of
zombification. The second was Zyprexa, in which I gained 40 pounds in one week,
and similarly made my symptoms worse. And lastly, the situation that lead my
family to leave the doctor’s practice, was a prescription (we found out later) that was a deliberate attempt on my life. The result of this was a spike in my brain
chemistry leaving scars that now give me Sensory Epilepsy and involuntary
twitches all over my body. In short, I have personal reason to vote in disfavor of popping pills
to get a better grasp of reality.
The third example is
a friend of mine who will remain an anonymous female. She is a close friend and
is someone who caught on to common sense unlike I did. Due to the classic teen
rebellion and depressive phases of any woman’s life through certain stages, she
became depressed and those in authority over her sent her to a hospital to
reestablish a normalcy in her thoughts and behaviors. She went through the
motions to get out of the hospital but when they looked over the reasons she was
sent there they tried to make her take medicine. She strongly refused and after
her discharge actually made progress on her own, by improving the friends she
chose to hang out with- choosing friends who wouldn’t lead her down dangerous
paths. 
While at the hospital, the doctors saw her “symptoms” and said she had Borderline
Personality and Defiant Disorders. This diagnosis made a
psychology major at my church laugh almost as much as it did me. She was just a
teen going through teen stuff and the medicinal approach wanted to pump her
full of life-altering pills. Those in the pharmaceutical field seem to look at
the mind and brain like clock work, when they haven’t the slightest idea of how
complex the design of our mind is and how severe the consequences of tampering
with it may be.
God is the author
of life and has uniquely designed each person- mind, body and soul. He is the
Shepherd and Overseer of our souls and my suggestion is that the next time you
or someone you love considers taking drugs to help with the imbalances in life,
no matter how severe, consider Christ instead.

Vows… Are They Just a Game?

Posted on by RLAdmin

By a RLM contributing writer

Right after church Sunday I went to a bridal shower. What a delightful afternoon and time with the bride-to-be, her friends and my family. The festivities were typical of a bridal shower: food, cake, presents and games. All was well with my soul until the final game was presented to us. It was at the moment the game was introduced that I felt completely gridlocked. I struggled with what to do and how to react.

The jam in my soul was due to the sermon I heard only a few hours prior. The message Pastor Scott delivered in Numbers 30 was still sitting in my heart, mind and soul. It had really impacted me. During his message, Pastor Scott spoke of the words that come out of our mouth and how important they are to God as well as the vows we have made and that those vows should be kept. For a while now, it has been my heart’s desire to glorify God in my marriage. It’s one of the top priorities in my life and I take it very seriously. By the way, I’m constantly working at it. Tim and I sat there listening to Pastor Scott, and we were in unity. We squeezed each other’s hand in agreement several times and chuckled together. We even made quick little comments to each other during the message. After service was over, I left church with a renewed purpose and desire to glorify God in my marriage by honoring my vows and keeping a check on my words.

The game that brought me to the gridlock was this- we were given a piece of paper and asked to write our name on the top, then instructed to write down the name of a celebrity we would want as our husband. Once the papers were turned in, the celebrity names would be read aloud and we’d have to guess which woman in the room desired to be married to that celebrity.

Seems innocent enough? Well to the world perhaps but not to me, especially after sitting through Scott’s teaching in Numbers 30.

In the moment of gridlock at the bridal shower, I knew that God had used the Numbers 30 message to prepare me for the game at hand. Immediately I began to consider the verses Pastor Scott took us through and felt the Lord preparing me and setting me up to have the boldness to live out the principles in Numbers. One such verse was Ecclesiastes 5:2, 6, which says, “Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. Therefore let your words be few. Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error.”

Upon receiving the instructions, I was instantly flooded with so many thoughts. Here is a young woman who is soon to be married and we are encouraging her to think of another man she’d rather be married to! How on earth does that honor her soon-to-be husband? How does that encourage her to keep the vows she will soon be making? Thoughts continued like- We have a room full of married women who are likewise being encouraged to fantasize about another man being their husband.

Sitting there, I felt the game was dangerous and was dishonoring to our husbands. We were being encouraged to lust after other men. And, subliminally, we were being led to believe that we should not be content with the husbands we have, but rather to think there is a better one out there – especially if he’s a celebrity.

I was barraged with more thoughts- How can I play this game? What can I do to not play? Should I play along and come up with a name? Finally, however, I thought- Well okay, I’ll just go along with it. But I just couldn’t. My mind wouldn’t go there. In all honesty, there is NO celebrity I’d like to be married to. That’s just insane. Celebrities are screwed up! Plus, I LOVE my husband. I also like him and think he is very sexy and handsome. I have no desire for any other man – even in a game-like setting. But what kept eating at me more and more was that I didn’t want my words to dishonor my husband, which would dishonor God. I wanted to live out my vow to God and to my husband even in this seemingly innocuous game.

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit took over. There is no other explanation. First of all, only the Holy Spirit could have caused this reaction because my people-pleasing nature would not have initiated this. Secondly, He helped me come up with what to say. Instead of writing down a celebrity name, I was prompted to write down the name “JESUS”. (He’s pretty famous!) I knew instantly that writing this name down would be controversial in this group. Again, a gridlock set in along with conflicting thoughts. What will these women think of me? Am I acting too spiritual and self-righteous? I hesitated to write down His name and I tried, again, to come up with a celebrity name that would be ‘acceptable’ but my spirit simply would not let me write down another name. So under the name “JESUS” I wrote, “I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather be married to.”

There it was. I was committed to keep my vow to God and to my husband and was determined to keep my words glorifying to God. There was no turning back. All the slips of paper had been turned in and the game was being played.

One by one the names of the celebrities were called out along with the inevitable responses:

“Channing Frye – He is so HOT. Can you believe his body! What I wouldn’t give to be married to him.”

“Van Diesel – He is so TIGHT. I just love his…”

You get the picture. The comments were lustful and flowing like a fountain without hesitation. My heart was saddened. I was also anxious about my ‘desired famous Husband’s’ name being read among this list and among these comments.

Several names were called out, the responses were lustful and dishonoring to the husbands of these women and then the name JESUS was called. The room immediately burst into laughter. It was not just one woman who giggled a bit, but the entire room laughed… hard.

I kept my head down. I wasn’t ashamed of my answer. Rather, my head was down because my spirit was grieved for these women. Here was a room full of ladies who do not know Jesus as their Husband and have never been told that He desires them as His bride.

The reader of the names ended the laughter by saying, “Seriously?” I lifted my head and replied, “Seriously.”

Please hear me- this was not a self-righteousness act, this truly is my heart.

I wanted to tell the ladies about Jesus and what an incredible Husband He is and how I am His bride. I wanted to tell them that I do not want to dishonor my husband by lustfully talking about other men. I wanted to tell them that I am content with my husband. I wanted to tell them that I love him and like him too. I wanted to tell them that I take my relationship and my vows with God and my husband very seriously. I wanted to tell them that even in a game, words matter.

But I knew that I could not. I knew the women would not receive my words of Truth because they have not received His Truth in their hearts. Pastor Scott shared with us Proverbs 29:18, “Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; But happy is he who keeps the law.” There has been no revelation for these women. They do not fear the Lord or want to keep His laws. I knew anything I said would be foolishness to them (1 Corinthians 1:8). So instead I let my words be few.

“Seriously,” was all I could say.

After an awkward silence, the game resumed and the next name was called and the lustful nature of the game, along with the dishonoring of their husbands, continued. It was hard to sit through the game. I tried not to look pious, but couldn’t deny the sorrow within me. Deep inside I was grieved and my heart was uncomfortable.

Writing this the next day, I can say that I’m glad this happened. I’m glad I was presented with an opportunity to live out a principle of Scripture. I want to honor my vows to the Lord and to my husband and I want my words to be honoring as well. I was a foreigner at the bridal shower. I didn’t fit in to their worldly point of view of ‘fun’. For a moment, I cared about what they thought of me but eventually I let that go because I truly fear the Lord and care more about what God thinks about me.

“When you eat the labor of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.” (Psalm 128:2, 4)

Complete in Him

Posted on by RLAdmin

By Peter Martin
Genesis 2:18- “And the
LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone.” As a single man, this
verse used to give me a lot of problems. I never understood- if God said that
it wasn’t good for man to be alone, why am I still alone? Did He forget about
me? These questions used to really plague my thoughts, but over the last couple
of months, God has really shown me some amazing truths about being single that
I would like to share.
The first thing that
was so important for me to understand is that dissatisfaction will always lead
to lust. For many years of my life, I struggled in the bondage of pornography
and it wasn’t until recently that I really looked back and thought about why I
was attracted to the lie of porn in the first place. For me, I was drawn in by
the desire for intimacy. Being single can be a very lonely thing. I would see
my friends that were married and had girlfriends and I would always think, “Why
not me?” I would covet after what they had, and because of my depression, I
anxiously bought into the lie of pornography and lust. I would watch all of
these images and I would let lust completely take over my heart, coveting after
the intimacy and love that I thought I was seeing. Looking back on it, I am
reminded of the man in Isaiah 44 who builds his own idol and yet he is unable
to see that the idol has no power. Isaiah 44:20 says, “He feeds on ashes; a
deceived heart has turned him aside; and he cannot deliver his soul, nor say,
‘Is there not a lie in my right hand?” This passage perfectly described me. No
matter how many times porn failed to satisfy the longing in my heart, I kept
going back to it time and time again expecting something different, I was the
true definition of insanity.
I was also unable to
see that I was looking at a lie, a distortion of the better pleasure that we
can have in Jesus. We were created by God to experience His unconditional love
and acceptance. Romans 5:8 reads, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us,
in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Deep down, we want
someone to love us in this sacrificial way and to accept us for who we are,
faults and all. The problem is, that Jesus Christ is the only One who can do
that, in Him alone can we can find the true love that we long for so
vehemently. All that this world has to offer us is lust. When I looked at porn,
I wanted so badly to believe that I was seeing love; I wanted to believe that
lust could bring me happiness, but it couldn’t. I also wanted to believe that
somehow another person could fill this void in my life. I earnestly desired
intimacy with another person.
I also fell into
another deception- that someone else could satisfy the longing in my heart. Because
I believed that some other person could satisfy me completely, I assumed that
after I got married my lust would go away. Over the last couple months, God has
blessed me with being a mentor for Setting Captives Free. However, a depressing
truth about being a mentor is that the majority of my students are men in their
late forties and early fifties that have allowed lust to permeate their marital
bed. As a result, they are usually on their second or third marriage, and their
current marriage is on the rocks. This blew away my assumptions about this sin.
The lust for porn clearly doesn’t just go away once you’re married.
The problem is that we
are looking to a person to be able to love us with the same depth that Christ
loves us, but no woman or man can ever live up to this standard. If we enter
into marriage with an idea that this other person will somehow complete us, we
will be sorely disappointed. We expect our spouse to satisfy us, but they
cannot and similarly we’re not going to be able to satisfy them. This ends up
in neither party ever getting what they want. And this inevitably leads to both
parties seeking to gratify their own flesh in the empty lusts of this world.
If everyone going into
marriage is just looking for their own self-gratification, is it any wonder
that the majority of marriages are ending in divorce?
God wants to take us
away from the emptiness of lust, He wants to satisfy us in the ways that only
He can. Psalm 23:11 says, “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.” All
those years that I was chasing after intimacy, I failed to realize that I was
missing out on the greater spiritual intimacy with Jesus Christ. Jesus loves us
in spite of all of our faults and flaws. He loves us fully and completely. He
can’t wait to spend the rest of eternity with us and He wants us to be fully
satisfied in Him. Colossians 2:10 says, “And you are complete in Him, who is
the head of all principality and power.” It is only when we understand this
simple fact- we are complete in Christ alone- that we can truly love someone
with that sacrificial love that Jesus loves us with. Our identity must be
founded in Jesus, first, and then we can rightly love another. It is only then
that we can find joy in dying to ourselves and in sacrificing for the betterment
of another, just as Jesus did for His bride, us.
We might not
understand what this means or where to begin. Looking at David as an example we
can learn some things. Psalm 87:7 says, “All my fountains are in You.” David is
expressing how all of his joy and satisfaction are in God alone. This is so
different from what this world will tell us. The world tells me to constantly
chase money, jobs, relationships, and all the other broken cisterns of this
world in order to find my satisfaction. But Jesus tells me that in His perfect
love for me I am complete and can be fully satisfied. There really is true and
complete satisfaction for our longings in Jesus Christ.
These past couple of weeks
He has been asking me some pretty convicting questions, like: “Am I really your
treasure, or do you need a good job and a lot of money to feel good about
yourself?” “Is my love and acceptance of you enough, or do you need other
people to satisfy you?” “Is my salvation enough for you, or do you feel that
you need to add good works to what I have done?” Jesus wants us to realize that
He is more than enough for us. In Him is not only the intimacy and acceptance
that we long for, but there is a love in Him that is beyond words. There is joy
that carries us through the pain; there is comfort in darkness, strength in our
weakness, and a healing for even the most broken and wounded parts of our
lives. Jeremiah 31:3 reads, “The LORD has appeared of old to me, saying:
‘Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore with lovingkindness
I have drawn you. Again I will build you, and you shall be rebuilt”
(emphasis mine). He has loved us with an everlasting love and He will rebuild.
Getting back to the
beginning of this article- how does all of this fit with the issue of “It’s not
good for man to be alone”? Regarding this very question, God reminds me often
of the story of Jeremiah. In Jeremiah 16 God specifically tells Jeremiah to
never get married. Before Jeremiah could ask why God tells him that if he were
to marry he would have to watch as his family starved to death. God prevented
Jeremiah from marrying in order to spare him pain. God wants us to know that He
cares deeply for us, that He knows what is best for His children, and that His
timing is perfect. If God answered my prayers, bringing me a spouse before He
showed me all of this, I would have ruined the relationship by pursuing it
through the paradigm of lust. Like Jeremiah, God did not give me what I wanted
at the time in order to spare me pain. God had better things in mind for me and
He protected me from my own lustful desires.
God wants to bless
every season of our lives. He doesn’t want us to be discontent with where He
has us, or for us to be yearning for something different. He wants us to be
content. We can be content with wherever we are in life if we are truly seeking
that satisfaction in Christ. If He is filling my desires then I am not lusting
after someone or something else. I’m seeing how God is using my singleness for
His glory! For example, because I do not support a family I am able to serve
Him in a capacity that I would be completely unable to otherwise. He is causing
such amazing fruit to appear in my life as a result of where He has me. And God
wants you to know that wherever you are He has amazing things that He would
love to do in this season of your life. If you have sought after lust in your
life, whether married or single, God longs to restore you back to Him. He will
rebuild. He wants to bring you the satisfaction and the joy that can only come
from His love and His acceptance of you. He wants to teach you how to find your
full satisfaction in Christ.
“You will show me the
path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are
pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).